Right Here, Right Now

I'm finding right now a little bit difficult to process. I've been reading for the past few hours now and I guess I don't know what to feel apart from being that character.

I know you guys are probably sick of hearing about how I feel about reading.

Last night, I went out for a meal with a lot of old friends, and some new friends, some people of whom I had only met once. I began to get a headache because it was extremely hot inside and I began to overheat. My headache made me feel like I could hear everyone's conversation in the room and I was trying to process all of them at once. It didn't feel good. It carried on for a little bit today, but I think I feel it a little bit now, even if I am lying in bed on my own in the dark at 1am.

It's as if when I read, I read aloud. Now I have finished, it's too quiet in the room, as if the little voice has gone. The only thing I noticed apart from the voice were the audible "oh no" gasps and the comments I make to myself about the characters.

I want people to understand the way that I feel when I read, when I open my mind to the lives of fictional characters I know never existed. It takes me away from the real world for a long time, hours at a time, keeping my mind occupied.

I mention this so much because I am scared that nobody will understand the way that I feel unless I explain it to them. I know someone will one day.

The Light At The End Of The Tunnel Of Your Imagination

Wow, two posts in one day, huh? Aren't you all lucky duckies?

So I've had a thought. When people reach a good idea after a long time, they sometimes use the expression 'reaching the light at the end of the tunnel'. My thought is, what if it is not a straight tunnel, as it is made out to be in one or two films I've seen or how I'd always imagined it. I thought it could be a maze instead, which is why people hit dead ends with their ideas, why people struggle so much to find the right idea.

It's a bit of an odd thought, it was just on my mind, I don't expect a lot of people to have any thoughts about it or anything like that. It's just something I can fully picture and justify in my head. As mentioned before, I can't explain some things very well... Anyway, I'll just get back to my cup of tea before it gets cold.

Bye bye *waves*

Never Forget

One of the things I've personally learned over the past year is that you should never forget to be yourself, no matter what situation you are in.

In this blog I'm going to talk a bit about myself and the person that I am.

Here I am, 18 years old and living in England. I live my life like any other, although extremely quiet. I spend my time reading, listening to music, watching films, gaming or hanging out with someone. I listen to a range of different music, including, although sometimes I hate to admit it, some of the stuff that plays on the radio. I am silly and inappropriate at times, but I can make you laugh a lot.

Okay, I guess this may seem like a bit of a lame blog post. I'm trying to get across the person that I am...

Sometimes I just wake up and feel like I am Alice discovering wonderland for the second time. Everything looks strangely familiar, yet there is so much that is wrong that should be fixed. If wish I could fix the world, but I can't do it alone, so I think about my own life and what would make me happy. Looking at the clouds on a clearer day, or watching the moon from my bedroom window at night. Eating bits of ice from my drink at a restaurant when I'm bored, being... Me.

Does that make sense? It's just what my brain told me to write, so there it is.

I write because it's a way of showing myself that not everything is bad, and a way of seeing the person who I really am. That's the thing, I find it difficult to explain my emotions unless I am reading or writing. It brings something out in me that I have never seen before.

I pray that you do not find me strange, or silly for posting all this, as some of it may not make sense.

I pray that you, of all people will understand how I feel.

What Life Is About

Life is all about living in the moment. It doesn't matter what you are doing, and a lot of the time it can be pretty great. Here is my living in the moment blog.

It is almost 12pm on Wednesday and I am sat near my local church, I've been sat here for an hour and a half now but I have loved every moment of it. It is freezing cold, but the sun is shining, the birds are singing and the sky is a deep blue... Okay that may sound a little bit fantasy like. What I am trying to say is that I am cold but still enjoying the day... My hands are numb trying to type this.

I am enjoying being able to just sit and read outside, there are only a few people out and I know it is a working day but how many people genuinely take advantage of a day like this??

Its not all great of course, not for everyone, but why would I need to sit and complain about that. Ive been waiting for the sun, now I have it.

People need to embrace what they have and to live in the moment because if you live in the past or in the future, how can you possibly enjoy what you have right now. Stay positive, be yourself and just let yourself... Live... Be happy.

Just Me Being Me

Sometimes I find it difficult to explain myself to someone, trying to explain the ways that I am unique, but how I am also similar to others.

Me, I am just like you. I am a living human being who lives on the planet Earth, just like you. I eat, drink, sleep and get on with general life like you do too. I have plenty of friends, like a lot of you do, but not too many, because I like to keep myself to myself.

Yet, I am different to you in so many ways. If you see me on my own in town somewhere, I will either be reading or listening to music. I read books pretty much every day. I feel that a lot of people follow the crowds... Not everyone of course, but a lot of people have a type, if you catch my meaning. They are a type of person. I don't like it.

Have you ever just got in from somewhere, you find you are in the house on your own and you just put your music on and lie down on the floor in a room? Does anybody else do that? It sounds a bit weird I know, but it's something I've done before, just because its quite calming really.

I've made myself sound a little bit strange now... No, it's like when you walk around in bare foot, just because the feelings you get make you feel human... Is that just me too? Gosh darn it. I'm finding this a little bit difficult to explain...

See... I told you.

I don't, as mentioned before, really care what people think about me, but I just like the feelings I get sometimes when this happens. It's like when you touch something furry in the shop and think "Oh that's nice." only, it's more of a physical experience for your whole body. Like when you lie down on a fluffy rug or when you change your bed sheets.

This is sort of a follow up blog to the one I did about living in my own bubble.

One of my passions is life. I like the feeling I get when I touch some things, like the snow on the hand rail, or the feeling of going outside on a windy day without a coat on, just for a minute. I think these things are overlooked by too many people, but it's one of the things that make me feel human.

Top 5 Videogame Enemies (SPOILER ALERT!)

This video is a little bit random - suggested by my best friend, Elin. 

1. Atlas - Bioshock

Okay, so with Bioshock being my favourite video game series of all time, I think it is appropriate to say that my favourite video game enemy has to be Atlas, from the first game. Atlas is the first person you speak to when you begin the game, he can earn your trust and stab you in the back, all while rocking that amazing Irish accent. 

2. Ruvik - The Evil Within

Who doesn't love an intreuging back story of why the enemy is who he is? One of my reasons for choosing Ruvik from this game is because of how well thought out the character is. The developers created and wrapped the game around this guy's back story, and managed to make him scary as hell when you approached him, as his appearance has left him burned and sewn back together.

3. Ron - Lego Harry Potter

Ron is only an enemy to myself and Elin, as while playing the game together, (I as Harry, Elin as Hermione) Ron seemed to take a dislike to Elin, and continued to move objects we had moved to a specific place when I had used it for my purpose and she tried to follow. It is because of these reasons, we refuse to play as him, and why it makes him one of my favourite enemies of any of the games I have played. This guy pushes her off objects, moves the bricks of the stairs when she is climbing and has, on one occasion, ran her over with a cart... I don't know what this tells you.   

4. Ganondorf - Legend of Zelda (Specifically Wind Waker)

Not only does he have an awesome name, but he pushes you to the limit in the game. I haven't completed the full game yet but I am still currently playing through it, so I hope to have more comments on it. So far, he hasn't been a very nice guy. However I love the design of him, as it is original, different to a lot of generic video game enemies. 

5. The Violin Player - The Raven

I just don't trust the guy. I'm going to be honest. 

Thank you all for reading! Let me know what you think, AKA if you enjoy reading the top 5 lists or if you don't. Feel free to leave me comments, or if you would like send me a message on google+ or on my twitter, my user is: @Steo96

The Way I Like To Live (and people should get used to it!)

Okay, so being the person who I am, a lot of people would probably find me strange, odd and a little bit weird. Its probably because we will be sat for ages in silence and I will randomly come out with something that plays on my mind, like what I would do if I could design a UK attraction... I know it sounds silly and forgive me if you don't understand, but THIS is how I live:

I live in a bubble, it is my bubble and I will only allow certain people to enter my bubble. In here nothing is as it seems, and you could do anything... Be who you want and have the courage to knock those down who get in your way. Normal life can get into the bubble, such as if I am doing an activity, but the random thoughts are always there, and I build them up as I work through whatever I am doing. Pretty soon they are flawless masterpieces, a part of me that will stay with me forever in my soul. Please don't think this is dumb, because it is a way that I can cope with the stresses of daily life and how I get away from anything bad that goes on in my brain, like an argument with someone or something like this.

I like to talk about these things because they are always on my mind, I can't show anyone, nobody could see if they tried. They take my brain away from anything that haunts my mind, and locks it back in the dark, any thoughts, memories or worries I may have.

Trust me when I say you are who you are, and I respect you for that. And I will be myself, in my own beautiful way of life, because I'm just trying to get through. Just like you.

My Favourite Feelings

One of my favourite feelings in the world is when I'm listening to music, alone or with someone else. There are a lot of bands of so many genres that I appreciate and love so much, ranging from Slipknot to Skyhill.

But do you ever get that feeling when you are listening to the music, where it can make you feel something more, than just hearing the music. Do you ever listen to a particular artist and just the sound of some of their songs that just... Gives you shivers? When you are listening to music in the dark and someone's voice just feels like it flows all the way through your body, from your ears, down your back to your toes and then back up giving you the sensation of happiness.

My other favourite feelings are watching my favourite youtubers, and reading after a long day with a cup of coffee... Seeing my boyfriend on the weekends and feeling him pull me into a cuddle that releases all the stress of my everyday life.

I'm very passionate about the things that I love, and I take more of a note of my feelings through the day and how I react to them. Even though some feelings aren't very nice and some might be a little bit upsetting (or very). I love each and every one of the feelings, because it reminds me that no matter how hard life gets, however much you get disappointed at anything, I am human. I love my life so damn much.

Stereotypes.

Um, note the full stop in the title - it may give you an insight of how much this subject irritates the hell out of me. 

I hate stereotypes. Through high school, as mentioned in a previous post, I was considered a 'Mosher'. For those who don't know what this is, they listen to heavy metal and rock music, etc. I don't know what else to tell you about that, because from my experience, as soon as someone even listened to any similar music to any 'screamo' bands - they were considered 'Moshers'.

I did not enjoy much of my high school experience, to say as much. 

During high school, once stereotyped, there was no going back. I think the only place you could even get stereotyped that badly, where people who hardly knew you would judge you on certain aspects of you, what group you stuck with, the way you behaved in that one time you met them and what music you listen to. That last one was a bit of a big one in my life. You'd be shocked if I showed you a photo of myself in high school and a photo of myself now. I know I am. 

Thing is - now that I have left sixth form, I have seen some people who I used to speak to who would barely recognize me, and some who would hate me, who just ignore me too, who would probably not be able to recognize me either. 

I ran into someone today - someone who I never really used to speak to and wouldn't speak to at high school (although I did a bit at Sixth Form) and we had a full blown conversation. It shocked me at first the amount that we spoke. It told me that you really get to see a person better when they aren't at school with you any more. 

They say that nothing lasts forever. It's true. I know this better (I think so anyway) than anyone I know. It's time to forgive and forget the past, no matter how bad some parts may be. I know it's difficult to think about, but that person who said they would always be around and always be one of your best friends? They just might not be around anymore. I know this for a fact. 

Despite everything, make the most of a person through the moment that you are in. What I am trying to say is - never judge a person you don't know that well, because they might just do something to surprise you one day. If they are awful - they don't deserve your time of day. If not, give them a chance.  

It's The Little Things

A lot of people may not realise how much the little things have to do with feeling happy and getting through the day. These little things are good feelings that you get when someone helps you or you help someone else. It could be that someone got up to help you by opening a door, or a kind smile from someone when you are feeling low.

These little things can have the ability to make you smile sometimes if you feel like you can't, or even just make you feel that little bit better. Thing is that a lot of people don't realise how much they help people out or how much the help means to that person. Yes it may only be holding a door open for someone, but it barely ever goes unappreciated by that person.

What I am trying to say is that it is the little things that matter to some people and help them to get through the day, even the smallest thing. It can really help some people out, believe it or not.

I think it is too often overlooked by people.

The World IS Beautiful

After yesterday's blog - I have to say I am a little bit disappointed in regards to what it was about. People being rude and selfish. I would like to point out that it was from a personal experience that I had through the day - with my younger siblings. So forgive me if I was a little bit harsh, but it would break my heart if I saw either of them walking around swearing and kicking of fights for no reason. 

I wanted to say that not everybody has to be this way and it is possible to look past. I look past these things on a daily basis, and would rather keep my opinions to myself. Because if I didn't have my younger siblings with me I would not have been so disgusted, I would have just tried to ignore it as usual. Sometimes it can be hard to ignore though. 

Anyway, my reason for blogging today, as I mentioned in the title, is the world can be a beautiful place. As people who go to work or school / study, we can be too busy to do a lot of things. The beauty of the world can get ignored day by day. How many people have actually sat outside in the rain, just to appreciate it? Yes it is cold and wet, but it is also amazing to feel the rain against you, to appreciate the rain. If I am travelling home, I don't mind the rain too much, because I will just go straight home and get under a blanket anyway. I walk slowly in the rain and embrace it. 

This sounds silly. 

What I am trying to say, is that even though it comes along all the time, it should be appreciated as much as a warm spring day, because without it we begin to miss it. A while back we had a lot of days without a rainy one, and I genuinely missed the rain. If not to walk in it and feel it against my skin, but to fall asleep to the sounds of the rain. 

It can take a lot to look past all the traffic on the way home and not look up to the stars. It can take a lot to look past all the litter to see the nature. But they are still there. It's one of the reasons I love the countryside, because there is a chance to get away from everything. When I am walking and listening to music, I look around and I try to appreciate the towns and all the way we have excelled as the human race in the years that I have been alive because so much has changed. 

The world is beautiful, it has just taken me a long time to notice. I hope you can too. 

I'm sorry if this blog post didn't make a lot of sense I tried to get to my point the best I could. I've been on a long car journey today and just got home from seeing family. So like I say - if there is anything wrong you can ignore it or just let me know. Thanks :)

Disrespectfulness

Okay, so I want to mention something that happened to me today. Today, I encountered some of the rudest people I had seen in a long while, and to make it a lot worse, they were about 12 to 15 years old. 

It shocks me how in an environment where there are children - of any ages, a lot under 10 years old - how people can swear and use bad language in front of everyone. Because it's a Saturday, the local shopping centre was packed with all different types of people, both old and young. However, while shopping I saw too many teenagers who shouted swears to each other and made disgusting jokes out of everything. Hell, two groups of them tried to kick up a fight with each other in the middle of the shopping centre. Obviously one of them was looking for a fight with the other, who hadn't noticed them until they had began to shout at them. 

I, as a person, find this disgusting. It's disrespectful. The main issue with this is that I don't want people from the younger generation thinking that it is smart or clever to swear or use crude language in front of their friends in public. I tell my friends off if they swear in public, just in case, and on the bus, etc. 

I just hate the idea of this happening, the last thing I want to hear when I am out is children using that sort of language. Yet - I live in a world where I have heard it too many times. 

No, this isn't just something that I'm trying to kick up a fuss about, but I'm just spreading my view on it. It's not all just teens either - that was just the main crowd of today. I've heard plenty of adults too. 

I'm just wanting to make this world a better place. I hope that you, of all people, will understand. 

Ramblings and A Big Thank You!

Okay, so I've done a lot of debating with myself about what today's post will be. What will people want to read about? What would people like to know about me? Questions which could send my mind flying off in a million directions. I'm sure a lot of people may not like my incoherent blabbering about my passion for reading and writing - in which case I say, sorry, but if I'm in a passionate mood it might be something I talk about. 

Now, to my knowledge, only a few people who I genuinely know in person has seen my blog, let alone read it. It makes me nervous to know this, more nervous than knowing that people I have never met, and - sadly - maybe never will is reading it. I'm not sure really what this has to do with anything. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I thank you all for your support. As I mentioned in a previous post I can get very shy in the smallest of situations, but I can deal with it. 

The reason I am mentioning this now is because I have only had a little bit of feedback regarding the things that I post on this blog - of course I'm okay with that. A lot of people don't really give feedback that often and I'm not going to ask for it unless you're comfortable with doing so... I guess. It's hard to describe what's going through my head right now. 

I'm literally just trying to say thank you for those who support my blog and visit every now and then to listen to the incoherent ramblings of a 18 year old girl. It is nice to know that some people are interested in what I have to say. I have a voice, and I will be heard. So yeah, thanks. 

A Secret

It may not seem like much of a secret - and it may sound a bit odd, but I'm going to tell you my secrets of trying to have a positive outlook on life and raising my self confidence. I really hope it helps some people, even if it may not help every person that reads this. 

Firstly, know that everybody has bad days, everyone has bad weeks. It is important at the end of the day to make sure you segregate some time for yourself. You get up in the morning, you get through the day - push yourself with a smile. It sounds so hard to do I know, when sometimes all you want to do is scream and cry. Make sure that you have enough time to do something that makes you happy. If you are bored of what makes you happy, try to find something new - teach yourself a new skill maybe. Make sure before you go to bed each day, that you do something that will cheer you up and keep you happy for a while. If you feel like you can't cheer up, call a friend or go to visit someone, because there's nothing worse than having to fall asleep sad. 

When you look in the mirror, make sure that you smile. It doesn't matter if your hair is bushy or you have spots or anything like that. It doesn't matter if your eyes are too big or your nose sticks out. It is all natural, and it cannot be helped. Be proud of the person you are and how you look. You don't need to cover yourself in make-up in order to leave the house feeling good about yourself. When I am going out, I only wear BB Cream, eyeliner, (occasionally eye shadow), mascara and lipstick. I don't wear more than a dot of BB Cream because I don't want to cover my skin too much with the stuff. Never listen if people say anything about the way you look or the person that you are, because you are you, and you are beautiful no matter what they say. 

At the end of each day, before you go to bed, try to find as many good things that have happened to you through the day. It might be the smallest of all things, for example, you spoke to someone who you wanted to see today or you got an exciting letter from someone. It could even be that you bought yourself some sweets! Anything that will make you feel like, even if it was the worst day you've had in ages, it was still worth being tackled by you, and the day will only make you stronger. 

Honestly believe me when I say that you are as perfect as you can be, never listen to anyone if they tell you otherwise because you are. I wish everyone could look in the mirror and believe this about themselves because it's you that makes you amazing, nothing can ever change that.  

My Change of Ambitions

Okay, so as a lot of you may know, I love to read and write. I feel so strongly about the two things, and how much I need them in my life. 

When I pick up a good book, it has the power to alter the way that I feel, my mood and how I will behave during the day. I get so stuck into this fictional world that I forget how much time has passed and I will latch myself onto this character. I will compare myself to them, slowly become them minute by minute until I have merged myself completely into the story, I'm no longer in my small bedroom in the UK, I'm a young girl lucky enough to go on tour with famous rock stars, or I'm that girl in the little cafe on the corner, I'm that boy doing everything I can to get the girl. It sounds mad, I know, but when I pick up a book, I'm no longer in this planet. I'm no longer Stephanie, I am this character, or I am watching from afar but still feeling what this character feels. Reading is my personal heaven. 

When I write I am different. I'm very passionate about what I do and what the kind of writing is that I do. I've had my mind set on one topic that I have thought up, and I've wanted to write about it ever since. I've done a couple of chapters, but nobody else can read them. There is only one other person in this world who has read part of my story, but I refuse to let anyone else. 

There's something inside me that fears other people reading it, even when that one person reads I'm ready to bolt out of the room before she can say anything. Yet I'm so eager for people to read it. Things can become impossible to get wrote down, because I'm scared of people reading them and judging them, and yet I'm too scared to let someone read it. 

Ugh. 

Anyway - back to the topic of the matter. I hope to continue writing through along with my every day life. I enjoy writing on the blog because I know that you - the readers - might understand my passion. At least I hope you can. 

So... thank you for that.