That Creeping Feeling

Good evening everyone! I hope you all had a fantastic Christmas, or a fantastic holiday if you don't celebrate Christmas!

Today I've been thinking about how different I am to everyone else. Let me explain.
I speak my mind often, and although through my past I have had my trust thrown back in my face (mainly at School), I seem to have a lot of trust in the people around me, the people I spend time around on a day to day basis. When people ask me how I am, I can just look at them and say that I'm fine (even if it's a flat out lie) and I will be okay with doing that, but there are certain people who I will just speak to and I will talk about ANYTHING. If I'm tired, I'll tell them, and if there's something wrong with me, I'll tell them. I find this different because I feel that not a lot of people would speak their mind as much. I don't know why. Sometimes it can just be a complete stranger too... Strange how life leads you along, huh?

So here's the thing about me. My hair is always frizzy, I'm always tired, I don't look great constantly and I don't top up my makeup and sometimes my eyeliner flicks don't match. I talk to much and joke about, I'm silly and I'm strange, and sometimes I come out with things that aren't related to the situation I am in, like a random word or song that's been in my head. Some things nag at me and I worry like hell.

I'm pretty happy.

My new years resolution is to make as many people as I can smile in 2016.

Lets Go Christmas Shopping

Isn't this exciting? Only a few days until Christmas.

Well, I can't 100% get into the spirit I'm afraid. Although it is literally in about 2 days, as in tomorrow is Christmas Eve, I just can't seem to get all that excited. Is it because I can't figure out what to get for some people? Is it because it's that warm I could stand outside for 5 minutes in a tee shirt and would be fine? Is it because of a lack of decorations everywhere I go? Hmm. I just don't know.

I've almost finished Christmas shopping now, and after traipsing my friend around the shop for hours, feeling sick and wasting half a hot chocolate, I returned home with a bag of goodies to wrap.

Yet... Nothing. There isn't anything stirring up inside me making me want to jump up and down yet, and I find it pretty hard to believe that tomorrow is Christmas Eve.

Sometimes. Just... Sometimes. I feel like I'm a little bit strange.

I'm Too Busy Fighting Anxiety To Worry Right Now

Okay guys. So weird title, yes? True it makes no logical sense, but to me it defines how I feel right now.

I have a few main worries, and while I am quite a worrying person, some really stand out from the rest. One nagging thing can bring me down in ways you can't imagine in the most inappropriate places. Last night I went to a party and got stressed out about something that isn't happening for a month. A MONTH. AT A PARTY. This is usually how it goes for me, and it continues to bog me down again and again in the most random of places, even keeping me up at night if I begin to think about it at that point.

So I'm fighting my anxiety at the moment in the only way how, I try to reason with myself. Nothing I worry about will be the end of the world, nothing I do is going to effect the way the world works, its just a nagging fear tugging away at my brain. So with everything I try to worry about, I reason with myself, like I think "well this will happen if this happens, but this can't happen so stop worrying". Sometimes my method works, and this time it is. I don't have the time or the effort to be worrying about things I don't have to think about until next weekend, or next month.

I will smile and I will get through it. At the moment I am not anxious. I am not worrying because I know that I can do this. It's not a once in a lifetime, so why worry now, right?

No, I don't have time. I'm just going to sit here on my bed and watch Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, eat my gingerbread popcorn (it's limited edition my mam bought me and frankly I'm a little bit sceptical) and drink my gingerbread latte. See you all again soon!

- Steph x

"I'm Fine With No Dip and A Regular Latte"

Good evening, everyone.

Today has been a bit of a strange day for me, yet it was a brilliant day at the same time. Today, I and my friend decided to go and see that new film out in cinemas (Victor Frankenstein) - it's brilliant by the way, I would definitely recommend it!

The cinema nearest to us is in another town, and to get there we had to take two buses. When we finally got into the town, we had to ask directions as to where to go. After walking for about an hour, with a lot of difficulty and having to stop a second time and ask for directions, we finally made it, with a bit of time to spare and some time to grab a quick coffee (or in our case, hot chocolate) before getting our tickets and going in.

The film itself was absolutely amazing. It couldn't have been better, so if anyone is thinking of going to see it maybe, do so. You won't regret it, honestly. Very well made, and a fantastic story line with a lot of action.

Now, the issue we then had, was that we both got confused with the website for the buses, and so we were wondering around for ages trying to find a bus stop that could take us home, rather than walking for an hour back to that bus stop where we got off in the first place. After going to where we thought we were meant to be, and being in the wrong place, we had to ask for directions once more. A friendly old couple pointed us in the right direction, and there, about a 10 minute walk from the cinema, was the bus stop where we had gotten off the bus, as the man had pointed us the wrong way, and had us go the long way around instead. After getting a little bit frustrated with the website, and a bit cheesed off that we had walked for so long when it was just around the corner, we just had to laugh.

At the bus stop, with half an hour to wait, we got into talking with a gent who was already there, who told us about an accident he had once been in, and what happened afterwards. He told us that we could do, and be whatever we wanted to be, and that the only limit was when we questioned whether we could do it.

"Build up your skills" he said. He made me smile, and was truly inspiring and a fantastic man.

On the way home, while switching buses, we went to McDonalds (which I don't usually go to, but they have the festive stuff in now, so we went in.) We thought we would try the toffee lattes, but instead had normal lattes. They say to make the best out of a bad thing, which was right, and I ended up at the bus stop, freezing cold, laughing so hard as Elin says "Whatever, I'm fine with no dip and a regular latte" in a sassy tone of voice. It was dark, it was cold and it was spitting with rain.

Today, I and my best friend Elin, walked for an hour, saw an amazing film, got wet in the rain trying to find the right bus stop, got frustrated, laughed a lot, and got inspired.

The real story comes from the adventures you share with the ones you love.

I will remember this story, because today, although we got wet and frustrated and we came home so tired, I never stopped smiling for the whole time we were out.

Stripy Tops, PJ Bottoms, Fairy Lights and Sherlock Holmes

Life is good right now, really good in fact. I feel as if once again I can face the world with a genuine smile. It starts with making myself happy as well as others, being brave and stepping out of my comfort zone for once. I won't hide from what makes me happy, and in the process I find I make others smile. Simply by wearing something funny, or cracking a joke when I feel people need a laugh. Their laugh makes me smile more than anything.

So what makes me smile right now? Like, at this minute in time. What could make anyone smile at this time of night on a Saturday? Some people are out making memories with their pals in restaurants and pubs. Some will be cuddling up in bed with their partners, and some may be ordering takeaway with their friends. Or maybe you're alone, like me. I'm smiling because my room is all clean and tidy (which shocked my mam!) I'm wearing my comfiest stripy top (I love the stripes) and I am wearing my newest comfy pj bottoms (nothing comfier). I've got my fairy lights on around my room, watching Sherlock with a good cup of tea. There's nothing better!!

It's important to smile. Always be happy and always make sure of that. Your happiness is as important as anyone elses!

Smile always! :)
-Steph x