Feeling Happy Despite Everything Else

Okay, for the last week I haven't blogged and I am really sorry about that. The thing is, I've been so busy doing the usual stuff and I've been so tired. It's been a while since I considered myself having a 'good nights sleep' because I just haven't been sleeping well.

The day I was up reading till 2am doesn't count just by the way.

My headaches are more frequent and my wrist (once again, even though it usually heals) is still hurting, if anything its got worse. It's my forth week in the bandage now and I can't seem to get rid of the pain. Honestly, the bandage is becoming normal for me now, its comfortable eventually...

ANYWAY I also have been feeling quite sick when I don't have anything to eat for a while and especially when I think about the pain in my wrist... Makes me shiver. Ugh.

Despite all of this, with my books and my music I am keeping myself happy, and I find myself smiling still, as if there isn't anything bothering me. I'm doing so well with my reading, last night I read an entire novel and a half and I thought it was fantastic. My mum called me a bookworm this morning, and she's right, it's got to be like, the forth this week I've finished (Sunday to today) and I am loving everything I pick up. As for my music, once I got some decent earphones I have been a lot happier listening to my music, listening to new songs from bands like 'All Time Low' and 'Fall Out Boy'. Heck, I've even started listening to 'Falling in Reverse'!

Thing is, as someone who's mind is always wondering, always worrying about something, managing to keep a perma smile on my face feels amazing. Even with my wrist dragging my mood down. People should always try to be happier, try not to worry so much and remember that life is too short for worrying. It's time to go out and enjoy the world, embrace joy, embrace life itself. You really deserve it.

My Last Few Weeks

A lot has happened in the last two weeks. Starting with every day coming home with a headache and wanting to sleep constantly. I don't know what's up with that, I'm not a doctor. However, today I have made a big improvement. 

It might be because it's Friday and today has been awesome for a weekday. I can't remember if I mentioned what had happened in the last blog post, but the doctors have told me I have inflamed tendons in my left wrist. I have no idea what has caused it, or why it keeps coming back. (Yes, it comes back constantly). It can be painful, even now, when I have it tightly bound in my bandage. 

Despite my painful week and headaches, I thought I owed you guys a new blog, as I haven't blogged enough this last week and that last blog didn't go out like I thought it was, in the case that I felt I rambled and lost the plot midway... What I had planned in my head was not that. Then again, I have problems conveying messages in my head that I have planned out, so I am best just improvising as I go and speaking from the heart. 

Seriously, my wrist hurts... Usually it goes away after a few weeks, but it's still really painful whatever I do. So... uh... Yeah... 

Anyway, I've been away from my writing for a little while, and it feels not so good. I really miss it, but everything is hurting my arm, and if I write it on paper I only have to type it out again anyway. (Although I do hand write things constantly, and lets put it this way, I don't need another bad wrist.) To be honest, I've missed blogging like hell. Blogging has become a big part of me, and every day I am always looking to see if anyone has read it or left a comment or anything like that. The idea of me sharing my thoughts on the internet with complete strangers still bewilders me, but I guess I will get over it. 

I don't think I used the word 'bewilders' in the right context there... I don't even know if it's a genuine word. 

It's difficult at times, to continue with a passion if you are struggling (like I am with my wrist). I can read just fine, but I struggle to type as quick as usual and it can be painful, and I struggle to hold my XBOX controller too, which is becoming another thing I really miss. 

All this self-pity. I try not to think about it and do it anyway, sometimes it's okay, sometimes not so okay and I have to change activity. Last night I was happy, finding Doctor Who episodes (David Tennant and Matt Smith episodes) on Netflix. I managed to obsess over something I had gone off... I never realised how much I missed it. 

I'm rambling again aren't I? 

I'm sorry, it's just me relaying all my thoughts over to you. It's been a rough week, a really long two weeks. I hope your last few weeks have been a little bit better. If they haven't been that good, chin up, I'm sure things will get better. Hope everyone's having a nice Friday!! 

My Rules Of Life

There has always been a million and one different ways that people live their lives, some more exotic than others, some rougher than others. Today, I speak out and share my little rules I have developed as I have grown up.

1. Crying is NEVER a sign of weakness. Let yourself show emotion because its what makes us human.
2. Always try to smile, because things are never as bad as they seem and if they are, things can only get better.
3. NEVER take life for granted. Always dream, and when you read your dream, dream again and let these things happen. You're always worth a dream.
4. Never forget the things that mean a lot to you.

My take on life is always varying, some days I hate, some days I love. Some days I feel like crying. This is our planet, it's small, it's beautiful, it's yours. We as a human race have become powerful, smart, and created something magical. Those things that bring us to tears when we think of them.

The four points I mentioned above are only a few of them but the most important of them all and, damn, I cannot express this enough to anyone. Always be who you want to be. I want to show the world that everyone is beautiful, is unique. I want to tell the world that you can be who you want. To tell you that no matter who you are in the world, you are important, you are significant and you are special.

I believe in change and it's hard sometimes because I want people to believe it too, believe we can all feel this way. So whenever you look in the mirror I think you should smile and be who you are no matter what.

I'm sorry you guys, I feel so strongly about this subject as a person who never knew how to be herself before recently. You learn so much about yourself. It's so hard to express this all to people, to show them I love them so much.

Thank you to my readers. I don't know who you all are, but talking to you guys give me confidence to do what I love. You're all awesome. Also, thanks for reading this little ramble. I'm signing off for a day or so, my wrist is really hurting now... :)

A Quick Notice

Hi guys, I just thought I would give you a quick update as to what has been happening recently and why I've been so quiet on here and also Twitter.

Firstly, I have had a problem with my left wrist. I went to the doctors in October last year when my wrist became increasingly painful over the period of a few weeks then heals quickly. It is the forth time since it has reoccurred and gives me difficulty in typing both on my phone and on my computer. Also, because I am getting stressed about what is going on with my arm I am getting frequent headaches every day both from stress and tiredness because I can't seem to get a decent nights sleep no matter what time I go to bed. I keep waking up and feeling terrible.

Just letting you know I am getting my wrist checked out very soon so I hope to be back up and writing again in no time. I'd feel lost not being able to share my thoughts with you guys.

Keep your eye on this space in a few days (for those who follow me on twitter I will post when it is out) as I have a big blog coming out and I really hope you enjoy it because I've been planning this one in my head for weeks... I want to make you all see the world as I do.

Hope to blog again very soon :)

My Confidence

Today - brace yourself - I did something I thought would take years for me to do. I willingly showed someone my writing, something I actually put so much effort into doing. It was complicated because we were just talking about it, then I just, let her. I don't really know I mean, I never really do that, my writing is meant to be my own and not for others to see. I had to fight the need to run and grab my book from her and hold it to my chest and not let her read more than a paragraph.

She liked it.

My confidence levels have been rising a lot lately, and nowadays I find myself smiling when I am writing more, any time I get a chance I am writing, my brain is whirring inside my head and suddenly I'm really proud of myself. I discuss my work with others but I never show them, she's only the third person to read it.

My blog is giving me confidence too, especially when I look and I have about 47 page views in one day. It doesn't sound like much, but I've gone from a small girl in a large town to knowing someone, even if it is just one person in the world, enjoys what I write and reads my blog.

It means the world to me, honestly and it has raised my confidence more than I could believe possible. I want to share with the world that you can be amazing, heck, you could be unstoppable. You are you, and you can be astounding, not just to those around you, but to the world.

Standing Out From The Crowd

One thing I have noticed among a lot of people in society these days is that a lot of people tend to hide behind others except for standing out in the crowd. A lot of people will look at something and think "oh wow that would be amazing!" But wouldn't actually want to be the first to do it. Of course they would want to, but a lot of us lack the courage to do so.

One particular experiment, if you ever studied psychology you might know this, conducted by Asch in the 1950's shows just how many people conform. The study involved in average about 8 people, one would be the test subject, the others would be confederates. To the test subject, the other confederates would be known as other test subjects. They were all asked in turn to compare three lines to one single one and say which of the three was the same length as the first. During some of the questions, the confederates would all purposefully lie about which one matched. This would have caused the test subject to consider if they, in fact, were wrong, even though their answer was blatantly right and would repeat what the confederates said as their answers.

Of course there are many ways you could evaluate the test, firstly being how real it was and what could have changed to get rid of any ethical issues but I won't go into all that, firstly because I am very tired tonight and secondly because (sad as I genuinely am to say it) I don't actually study psychology anymore.

So, we as humans have changed a lot over the millions of years and after all this development, a lot of us are still conforming around others, following what we see and what we hear. You should all know that each and every one of you is special, and you deserve to be who you want to be, and you don't have to follow the crowd all the time. Smile and be who you are, because that's the best thing you can do.


*Just a small side note, the part about Asch's study is merely a quick summary of what I learned about it. I don't want to start a debate on how it isn't ethical or anything like that. Had enough of that in sixth form. I used it basically as an example because that I what popped into my head when I thought about conformity.

Lazy Days

Ah, it's the weekend again, time to relax and smile, right? I've had an especially lazy day today, a refreshing change from usual, but I've had absolutely nothing to worry about.

I feel really good when I don't worry about anything and it can be quite a rare thing for someone like me, as I can tend to worry a lot.

Of course I am glad of the way I've improved with the amount I worry, and I don't do it much anymore, which makes me smile. I've found ways of making myself smile too, which is a lot different to how I used to be. I listen to music, I read, and I watch little videos on youtube and I love them.

I used to be one of those people who used to listen to sad songs when I felt sad but I began to realise, how would I get anywhere by keeping myself miserable all the time? You have to believe that you should be happy and make sure that you find a way to keep yourself happy.

Another thing I have learned is to never go to bed angry, because you will wake up just as bad. You should always make sure that you smile, take a chance and laugh the day away. A moment without a smile is a moment wasted. That's how I keep myself happy anyway. I hope you'll agree.

Sunny Days and Happy Minds

I hate the inability for me to express myself sometimes to people. I hate the way I get all flustered and shy about the things that I want to share. I hate the fact I can't stand up and say "Hey look at this what I have done I am really proud of it."

That sounds like I am sad or unhappy with the person that I am because I can assure you, as a person I have never been happier.

It's just like, when I have done something that I am proud of, I never want people to see it, which is, strange really. An example of this would be with my writing. When people ask me what I write I seem to get a little bit brief with what I am doing, too scared to tell them I aim to write a novel and I'm also in the process of doing so, too scared that they won't like it. I know I can't please everyone.

My blog is a small place, not too popular but I don't mind much, (though it would be nice to see more people interested of course) where I can carelessly let my mind wonder through the barriers that hold it's limits. You can't ever imagine what goes through my head when I am blogging. I feel pretty weightless, like I can trust my thoughts and feelings to be let loose.

It's like I'm 15 again and didn't hide my diary well enough...

His blog is a thing I feel I could never give up, it has become a part of me, because each and every time I share with you all, I share a part of my soul. It is a small part, but a signifcant and equally beautiful part at the same time. My blog is my friend, and so are all the readers because you share with me something I find unable to put into words when I speak to people in person.

I love this all so much.

My Life And What I Want It To Be

Okay, so as a lot of you know, I am very passionate in what I believe in. I believe that a person's hopes and dreams are what make them who they are. 

If someone asked me what the meaning of life was, I wouldn't really know what to tell them. I would say, be who you are because that is all that matters, be loyal to those you love and for goodness sake, remember to live life to the very full. 

Now, I am just a teenage girl living the average life here in the UK. I want to share something with all of you today. 

I live in a town and a place where everything is always the same, the weather is either good or it's not. More often it isn't.  Thing is, I know what to expect through my day, how to handle things the way I have to every single day. I make sure that I am well prepared for the day ahead of me and mentally planmy day out when I get up in the morning. But there has to be more to life than this... I don't want to live with my own system, all cooped up in this town. I want to go out, travel and inspire as I make my way along. Obviously one day I want to get married and have children and settle down, but I want to do something first. 

I play my life safely, but anxiety and stress is an easy thing to pull you back down, and when you struggle to get something out of your head, thats the worst. 

Right now, picture this. You're standing on the edge of a cliff, the air is clean and fresh, the sun is just setting and the waves crash below you. How do you feel standing there? It seems to be one of the most beautiful sights in the world... its the sort of things I want to see, the things I want to feel. 

These are a few things I really want out of life.

1. To be a writer and to show everyone the power and impact that words really have on a oerson. To make them feel overwhelmed by the power of words and the love that I send out to everyone with every word that I write. 

2. To see parts of the world, to go to another place just for a little while, just to see what it is like, and maybe even make some friends along the way. 

3. Travel to California. At first it was because of all the exciting people there, like all my favourite celebrities and stuff, but the more books I read set in America, and the more films I watch and the things that I see on the internet just intrigue me more and more. I know most of it is not real, but I just want to see.

4. When I finally settle down and find a real place to live, have a room where Iwill do my writing and a little desk, a bookcase full of hundreds of books, and a wall full of photographs that I took along the way, through my life. The wall of photos that made me the person I am.

I want to do this all so badly it hurts, but my future has to hold more than what I am doing now, even if I love the life I lead, the things I do and the people I love.  I just want to live, and I'm never going to give up on my dreams. 

All Smiles And Happy Times

Hey everyone!

Today has been a very good day today, as I have just felt happy. Remember that post I did about feeling happy and not having a reason for it? Yeah it was one of those days.

For me, its been a day of laughs and joking around, and I really can't wait to see tomorrow.

This is just to tell you all, that you can be perfect no matter who you are, what you look like or what you do. You deserve to be happy, each and every one of you, and when you feel like you can't, you need to try harder.

I got angry the other night thinking about a past event that I had a huge rant to my friend about, I was almost shaking with anger, and when I tried to concentrate on something else it became almost impossible. It's okay to be like this though, when you're livid and trying to contain yourself.

But when you have no reason to think about it, you don't have to, because there is no reason that you have to suffer beneath these thoughts.

It's time, lets say, for everyone to just be happy. I want you to smile once you've read this blog, smile to yourself and to others and don't stop until your cheeks ache... Be happy, be strong, be confident, rule your own life.

BE YOU.

Writing

Hi guys, sorry its been ages since I last posted, a good week or so. Anyway, I am here to make it up to you. I'm going to be really brave because its something I've never done before and I really hope you all like it.

I'm going to post some of my writing. Only a short segment, a paragraph or two, but hey. I'm ready to show the world what I am made of.

I slam both my fists against the wall, tears rolling down my cheeks, screaming so loud I was sure even the heavens could hear me. I can't breath. I can't sleep. I can't live, can I? I take a deep breath and push myself away from the wall, looking around the empty streets, squinting to see if there was anything else there. Anyone. It's been weeks since I saw another soul of this world. That thing... I don't even know what I should call it. It doesn't deserve a name. I seem to be the only one left.

Alone.

What happened to my family? My friends? Everyone is gone. There is nobody in sight.

For all this time, and for now, I'll just be here, sat cross legged in the middle of the street. I stand alone. I am alone. I'm left here on my own to wonder what went wrong.


Okay so I know that was a little bit cheesy and a bit short I've been trying to write that out in my head all day today. Please don't be shy to give me feedback. It's my first time doing something like this, trying to be brave. I've never really let others read my writing. There you go I guess.

Thanks you guys.