Determination

Today has been an odd little day, I've had laughing fits for no reason and I've genuinely been pretty happy with my day. The odd thing about it is I've got up and thought 'oh I can't be bothered with this' and done it anyway, I'm not sure why either.

But I'm happy, because without that feeling I wouldn't have got any more of my writing done. I sit and I think of what it will be like when I finally complete the thing, will people like it? Will I be pleased with it? I'm so determined to get this done just so I can know. Anyone who has read my creative writing has said it is good, and I really hope they're right because this is my dream, to be a writer.

I want this so badly, and although a lot of the time I come home exhausted from my day I still want to write, and during the day I cant wait to have that pen in my hand again. You can't imagine how much I love my writing. Even the chance to have my own blog seems amazing because I can share how I feel and express the person that I am to you all. I can stand up and say "this is me." Without feeling under too much pressure.

I really hope that you all like my writing and what I have to say. I'm as determined as I can be and I won't back down. I've wanted to write since I was little, the fact that I get to now without wanting to give up is a true blessing.

Quick Post

Hi guys it's me again... So sorry I haven't blogged in a few days, I've had a rough week, I've been feeling tired despite how much sleep I've had, and I'm feeling a little bit sorry for myself with my wrist... I hope I find out soon what it is so it can actually be fixed.

My day has been filled today with a little overexcitement at all the little things, like oh hey look, I've been healthier today, I've got a brand new t-shirt to wear tomorrow, I bought Big Hero 6 on dvd... Needless to say, I'm pretty gosh darn happy.

Even if it is something small that makes you happy, it must be something that is dear to your heart, because anything that can make you smile on a bad day has to be special.

Sorry it's only been a short one, but I'm still under my tiredness spell and it's so overwhelming it's unreal. So to everyone, keep smiling, keep searching for those little things and NEVER stop living life to the full.

Past Midnight

Its gone midnight, I'm lying on my bed and I'm so tired. So tired but my mind is awake. Imagine a room of people whispering to you, all at once, different things and you're trying to process them all at once. It's like there are little electric bolts shooting through my brain and with each one gives me a million new ideas.

I want to do so many things at the moment, I want to finish that series on Netflix, I want to exercise and feel healthy, I want to keep my room tidy. I want all these things but my body is so tired, and not just because of my wrist, although that hasn't mended itself at all.

There are a million things I wish I could put into words to say to everyone. To say to you. The words I write could change my life forever, change my perspective and my view on life, change the way I act or behave. It might even change the future.

I hope it changes something, anyway. I just hope that people know that I'll always be the person I am, and that's never going to change.

TGIF

Thank goodness! It's finally here, it's the weekend, and an extra long one at that. It's time to kick back and relax for a little while (unless you work on weekends, in which case sorry I'm so happy!)

I think I'm going to play one of my favorite videogame series tonight, Bioshock. Honestly guys I would seriously recommend it, it's one of the best games I've every played in my life. Seriously the graphics are amazing, all the little parts of the storyline are thought out so well and the little voice messages you find help you find out more of the back story.

One of my favorite things about it though is the atmosphere of the games themselves. In Rapture you are made to feel on edge, terrified of running into splicers and alone, trying to find help and escape the city under the sea. In Columbia, you are made to feel weightless, like you're really floating all the way up there in the sky.

The music combined with the sights of both the cities is overwhelming, it makes the game become so much more than a game, makes it into a quest, something that must be done, and I can't seem to put it down. To anyone who hasn't played it I would 100% recommend it and make sure you pay attention to story, otherwise the game makes no sense.

Look at me, just rambling about Bioshock like that, I just can't help it sometimes. I have to dash anyway, its almost 8pm already and I haven't even had anything to eat yet!

Night, everyone!

Stronger

One thing I have learned in my life is how strong I really am. I feel that it is such an important thing I have learned while growing up.

There are certain times where things can seem bad, things can seem wrong, and yes, they can be very upsetting when they come around. I don't know what the situation would be, everyone's is different, but there is always happiness, there is always love, there is always hope. Everywhere you look there is potential in those we love and those we care about.

I know how strong people can really be. I know how strong you as a person can be, and I know that being strong is hard. You should always remember to stay strong no matter what you have to get through. The stronger, the better.

As a person who has managed to help myself when it comes to anxiety and OCD, and as someone who used to be really self conscious, I'm much stronger than I thought I could ever be. I'm much stronger than people believe. Yes things may seem tough at times, but you can learn to smile, learn to live in the moment and be strong.

Being Lighthearted

One of my favourite things about myself is the ability I have to change my emotion relatively quickly. I can do this with my writing, reading or listening to music, or purely just talking to someone nice. 

When I read or write, my heart and brain flutter together restlessly, causing the cogs in my brain to grind and splutter, creating something out of the ordinary. An image, a single image. That's what I base my work from, because this one image never goes away.

When I listen to my music, sometimes it's like something inside me just snaps. It just goes and then I'm here, flowing along with the music, following every note and following every word they sing to me. Some bands and artists make me think, make me want to dance, love, cry and sing all at the same time. They make me want to show emotion and some of the time, when I tell people the bands I like, they seem to disagree with some of the things I say about them. 

One example, which happened in high school and mentioned in another blog post I believe, a lot of people basically insinuated that the music I listened to was meaningless. Bearing in mind at this point I was an avid listener of bands such as Slipknot and Avenged Sevenfold. Someone once told me that they couldn't hear what they were saying and it was just screaming all the time. They clearly have never heard of 'Snuff' by Slipknot and so many Avenged Sevenfold songs... But the songs showed sometimes how I had felt. I was angry at my peers, always wanting to keep myself tucked away from them. I was never really one with the popular crowds, I felt like I was the one sorting out arguments between friends and other peers. I liked to make sure everything was okay between people. 

I thought that was friendship. 

I was wrong. I began really living my life to the full when I left sixth form, when I became creative and different. I began to change my own style and experiment with what made me feel happy. My relationships with my peers and my friends improved. I got a hell of a lot happier than I was back then. Let's just say that when people say some of your friends from school won't stick around, a lot of the time they're right. 

I improved when I left sixth form because it wasn't for me, by the way. Nothing was really all that bad, I just had a bad habit of overworking myself and not getting enough sleep. 

My point is, you need to be doing things because they make you happy. I'm not saying don't help people if you get the chance, but make sure that you are happy in the process. Don't just spend a chunk of your life doing something that makes you unhappy. 

In your life you need to be happy, you need to be confident, you need to be responsible, you need to smile. You need to smile, because when you smile, your smile is the light shining through the darkness of the world. 

Always believe that.

Smiles and Fashion

Now this, is perfect. At the moment I am sat on my boyfriend's bed. He's gone out for an hour and everyone else is out too. The window is open and everything is so quiet, and it feels good to know that I can get my creative juices flowing. I like these little moments of time when everything is quiet and I can just write. 

I have nowhere to be at any specific time, nothing that needs to be done, nothing that needs to be worried about. I am here, blogging, totally 100% yours. I am right here, right now to tell you all my thoughts I've been having for the past couple of days. 

I mentioned on twitter that I was meant to be blogging last night - I had some really good ideas for a blog. For some reason I got a bit dizzy in the evening when I would usually sit down and get on with it, but I just felt like the room was spinning no matter what I did so I decided against it last minute, thinking it probably wasn't a good idea anyway. 

One of the ideas I had last night sprang from my coffee morning in my local town with my best friend (which is a regular occurrence each week) and I was sat with her and I was just looking around. One of my thoughts was that I have never sat and thought to myself how different everyone really is. I know we all have our little fashion trends through the years, but everyone seems to have their own individual style. It's so odd that I never thought about it before, I had always just, sort of, accepted it and never really thought about it that much.  I mean, everyone has their own preferences, right?

I, for example, like guys wearing converse or lee coopers. The high top ones which go over your ankle (like the ones David Tennant wore as The Doctor on Doctor Who). I like skinny jeans and t-shirts on myself with my own red lee coopers if I dress as I usually do. I like bright t-shirts or black ones with funny little things on the top. I don't really like plain clothing all that much to be honest. Also, I never really wear matching socks, which drives some people balmy, unless of course they are new, or they have cute turtles on (like the ones I have on now, surprise, surprise). 

But yeah, I look in clothing shops and every time see something which makes me think, I would never wear that, why would you want to? But I fail to realise by that point that someone else would like to wear it, that's someone else's style I am looking at. A lot of people would probably like to wear it. 

I'm glad I have finally noticed just how individual people are, it's what I like about going out and about and knowing there are hundreds and thousands of different styles out there, and you should always find the right one for you, find the one that you are comfortable in, and the one that makes you, you. 

Always be original, always be inspiring. I aim to inspire for as long as I can, both in style, and in the person that I am. My goal is to make people smile, and I hope that I can do that in person, and in this blog. 

Smile Always!

Torn Away

I'm feeling a little bit sorry for myself at the minute. I'm lying in bed, the tendons in my wrist are screaming and I feel sick, like theres a bubble in my tummy someone's trying to pop.

So here I am, writing again. My wrist is still bad and I can only type with one hand but it could be worse I suppose.

I sent off some creative writing to a relative today and they said it was amazing (not to brag at all ;) ) But I feel awful at how much I struggle to write with my bad arm. I struggle through tasks of the day, I can't write on my pc and I can't go on my xbox. After buying the season pass for bioshock infinite I feel saddened. At the weekend I bought it and asked my friend to play it because I couldn't and wanted to watch her.

I just want to get back to normal. I wish the me that was bursting with writing ideas. One thing for certain, I'm blogging more now no matter what. I'm hoping to get a post done every 1-3 days, so no more delaying. I'll be back soon enough.

Feeling a Sense of Achievement

One of the most valuable lessons I have learned as I have grown up would be that there are a lot of things that you should feel proud of doing. Something that makes you happy, so you can turn around with a smile and say "Yeah, I did that." It is so important to be able to recognise something so small as an achievement, believe me, I know. 

It doesn't have to be anything big, it can be something small that makes you say "I've earned this, this is my time." and it is a great feeling to have. I mean, yeah, you just managed to... I don't know, do a perfect turn in the road in your driving lessons, you just managed to get a better grade on that assignment, you just managed to get that work done on time to hand in. It's all these little things that always get overlooked. 

It's nice to have some pride in yourself, but not so much that you become arrogant, as people may think you are being obnoxious. That's not a thing you want. 

It's okay to have a bit of pride when you do a task that may not go to plan, but part of it still goes right... If you get my drift.

Anyway. A lot of time people overlook their pride, like when they beat that level they were really stuck on, for example. It's okay to feel proud of yourself, it really is, and recognising these feelings of pride just make your day better all the while and raise your self confidence at the same time! 

It's basically a win-win situation. 


I'm sorry this one took a long time to come out, I've been working on it for a couple of days actually, but with my wrist I'm finding it really difficult. I hope you all understand, it's becoming a little bit stressful as I've been told it's inflamed tendons but it's my 6th week in the bandage now. I promise I will try to blog more often... (I hope that's good news, haha) Anyway, I have the doctors again on Wednesday so I hope to have some news on what's happening with it by then... Thank you all for your continued support throughout this time. I hope to keep blogging very soon. x.