Sunny Days

UGH.

It's too hot. Here I lay on my bed with the fan pointing directly at my face wishing the heat would chill if only for a bit, and apparently its going to be worse tomorrow.

What really broke me today, was when I went to the shop and all the freezers were broken... Which means *sniffs* no sorbet.

So instead of lounging in front of the telly with sorbet, I am lounging in front of the telly speaking to you guys, which honestly makes me happy... Although sorbet would be nice too...

Let me give you an update on me and what's been going on recently, why I've been so vacant on twitter and blogs... And uh... Stuff. Basically I am sorting out my entire room and trying to get all the stuff I really don't need thrown out... Its happening, but bit by bit it's uh... A slow but good work in progress.

Also, still trying to find out what has been causing me all this pain in my arm...

Its been busy for me, but I haven't forgotten about you all, I'll still be here, and I'll try hard to find time to blog more.

Thanks guys!

My Writing - AGAIN

Okay - my little thing I was excited about in my last blog has taken off - I guess. I have began a new blog (I'm not leaving this one - don't worry. Stop cheering for a second please). 

The new blog is called You - The Creative Imaginative Experience. It is a place where I will be sharing various pieces of creative work, but the best part is that you - the reader - is the main character of each part. 

I hope that people like the blog and I hope that people will maybe leave me some feedback or share my work. I am very pleased with the first piece that has been put on there, and I really hope that people are pleased too because writing is the one thing that I can really open my heart up and put my entire soul into. I basically love every moment of it. 

So basically, I hope you guys will check it out and see what you all think - who knows? You might even enjoy it a bit. 

www.youTCIE.blogspot.co.uk 

Thank you to all my friends for their continued support! 

:)

My Typical Self

It's too hot. There I said it. It's too hot after wishing it would heat up for weeks. Hence the title 'my typical self' being that it is so typical of me to wish something away quicker than I wished it here in the first place... just like when I order a large pizza and automatically regret it after a few slices, sat back rubbing my stomach thinking "how the heck am I meant to eat this thing!". I cannot cope with this and I bring it upon myself every single time. 

So yeah, I'm a pretty typical person when it comes to things like that. Also, I love pizza. 

Getting back to the blog... moving swiftly on, etc... I apologize for the lack of blogging over the last week, I've been extremely busy all week and just haven't found the time. 

Also, some news... good news I hope for all the lovely readers of my blog, I am hoping to start another pretty soon and fill it with some of my creative writing. I won't share too much at the moment, I want it to be a surprise, but I really hope you all like it and I will mention it on this blog when it emerges. 

  

Darkness Among The Butterflies

It's Wednesday, middle of the work week, almost Friday! It's late, and everything is dark in my room apart from the little butterfly fairy lights my mam bought me to hang in my room on the window. They cast a gentle light through the room and it makes the room feel so genuinely welcoming and warm... Despite it being too hot outside and wanting to cool down...

I don't know really how I feel, I just feel tired, but not tired enough to fall asleep... So much that I just want to lie here and look at them, they make me smile a lot...

They remind me, and I have had to remind a lot of people this, is that there is always light to be found, even in the darkest of places, so live your life and live it strong as you can. Be supportive to others and try to smile, search for the light. Once you have a grip on it, never let it go out.

Nonsense

I've got something on my mind, which is the exact reason why I am still awake, lying in the dark, typing nonsense into my phone, hoping someone will understand me.

My eyes are coaxing me to sleep, despite my brain being more awake than ever. I believe in myself, I believe I could do anything if I wasn't so gosh darn tired.

I'm thinking about my writing [oh no here I go with the writing again, I know, it's a habit I'm sorry :) ] anyway, I have some amazing ideas that I feel are going to burst out of me. I know nothing of the plot at hand of my writing, I don't even know the names of the characters or where it is set, but I've already started writing it all in my head. I can see it, and that's what makes me feel so unique.

I know nothing about this, and yet I see the scene playing out in front of me. I see all the characters and what they look like, I see the features of the person, I see the location and everything around. I can look around the room and examine the features up close. I can play, fast forward and rewind, even pause the time to get a better look and develop the idea more.

Please don't think of me as stupid or immature or something like that, but I wish I could understand it all. Yet I find myself doing it again and again every night, imagining, letting my mind wander, and never forgetting the things I see when I do see them. How else am I supposed to be inspired?

Friends!!

Okay, today has officially been awesome. Today I went to the local cinema with my boyfriend, Myles, and best friend Elin to see the new Jurassic World... It's a fantastic film by the way I would definitely recommend it!

I enjoyed going out dressed in casual but warm clothes, not wearing a coat or having an umbrella and for the first time in forever not caring about my hair or getting wet because of the downpour through the day... It wasn't heavy rain it was just... Kinda there if you get my drift. But it felt so good I can't believe it. I haven't had so many days recently where I haven't stopped smiling through the day.

When the film was over we got the bus home, and unfortunately Elin had to go home and I went to Mylo's house to play the Lego Jurassic park (a totally mint game for the record).

But see you may be reading this thinking I'm waffling on about my day and it's probably a bit 'oh okay' but see this is important! Your friends are so important because they can be the cause of your smiles, the reason you had a good day, the reason you laughed so hard you cried the other day.

I wasn't just happy because we went to the cinema to see a good film, I was happy because I laughed until I cried, and laughed out loud I might add, as it isn't too common these days, well not as loud anyway, and because we went to costa for hot chocolate and sat outside under the little shelter in the rain.

It's a feeling I love the most, just calling references out to my friends and bursting into fits of laughter when nobody else knows what you're laughing about. It's one of the sweetest feelings and its a feeling I never want to get rid of.

My Top 5 Things I Would Change If I Could

I have been thinking a LOT tonight, and especially for some inane reason of the different things I would change if I could. Below are some of my favourites... Enjoy :)

- My previous attitude from High School. Yes I mean it, I would genuinely want to go back and try so hard at school and get better grades. Don't get me wrong, I tried really hard and got good grades, I just wish at times I could've seen how important it all was in later life and would have tried harder.

- I wouldn't have anxiety as bad as I do. This is a constant one for me, it's great that I'm cautious, but I hate getting halfway down the road and then questioning to myself if I've locked the door. The more steps I take away from the door before checking the more worried I get, simple really.

- I would be more healthy, that means exercise too. Frankly peas and broccoli will only be eaten if given to me by my parents on a plate. If you give me courgette or kale or anything like that I will scream and run away because that stuff is just gross.

- My lack of will to do virtually anything. I can't just get up and do something I have to force myself. Like hey, get up and take your makeup off before you fall asleep or you'll get black makeup stains on your pillow. Half an hour later and I haven't moved yet.

- The autocorrect settings on this phone, when it corrects the word 'time' to Tim all the time you have a serious issue.

So ugh, yeah. I just wanted to share that, you live your life, you can't change what you can't change so smile and be happy because at the end of the day nothing is better than that.

Being Happy in the World That You Create

It's been a long day. After the last few days I have felt a bit indifferent with the world as it is. I have embraced happiness when it comes to me, often paired up with laughter that stays with me long after it has died off. I have faced disappointment in a few things. I try to inspire myself, and sometimes I just feel a little bit off, like there isn't something quite right.

For anyone who knows me and what I like to talk about will know that I appreciate the little things in life, like when my favourite song comes on the radio, when I can finally sit down with my pen and pad and just write away, when I find extra time to be with my friends to embrace that laughter once more. The little things are important, it would be a good thing to remember, even when everything seems to be bad. There's always one thing that helps you to remember that this life is for you too and it should be enjoyed by the minute. 

Life isn't for looking to the future or looking and dwelling on the past. So what if I was a bit of a freak at high school, so what if I struggled with sixth form, so what if I get obsessed immediately with anything that makes me feel in the least bit special in this world? As I have said many a time before, life should be lived in the moment. 

I seem to be struggling a little bit to get my thoughts out onto the screen in front of me, it's always been a great struggle of mine. I believe that no matter how much I struggle, I can succeed. 

For the last few days, I have felt like I have had to physically drag myself out of bed in the morning, I have had to force myself to do the regular routine through the day and I really wish that I could change the routine up a little bit. I force myself through the day because if I take my mind off what I am doing and think about what I would rather be doing, I tend to get nothing done and my head floats around in the clouds. It is something I get occasionally and it is something I know how to get over easy...

It's just a dash of disappointment, a little bit of OCD and a whole lot of headaches. But do you know what? It's all worth it, because I am alive, I am healthy (ish) and I have people in the world who mean everything to me to share life with. It doesn't matter who you are, it doesn't matter that I can't smile right now with the knowledge that it will stay for more than 5 minutes. 

But I will still smile. 

I will smile for me. I will smile for you. I will smile for life, and I will make it through. Believing in yourself means so much more than you could care to imagine. So here I am, at around midnight, still sat in my messy room, in my clothes from the day, all alone here to tell you that you matter. 

I'll still be here smiling for you tomorrow, too. 

Aftermath

Oh gosh, it's going to be one of those Sundays isn't it? The ones where I'm lazy all day and really can't be bothered to do much. How do I know this? Because I am still in bed in my 'french fries' pyjamas.

*sigh*

I'm not sure why I am so tired, it could be because I was woken up by the cat at 3am scratching at my door... Or perhaps the fact that I watched American Horror Story until 2am... These are all possible factors.

BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER NOW AS I AM AWAKE for now anyway. Chances are I may fall asleep again... Damn.

After my unhealthy day yesterday I should probably stop with the junk food also. Yesterday I had: A bottle of Fanta, bacon sandwich, chip shop chips, mocha cooler from Costas, a half a bag of candy floss, cake (homemade by mam) and a takeaway pizza... Top that off with a can of Cola Zero Cherry.

Yah. I'm not good at this whole health thing. I'm sure I'll be okay. I also do not want to be lectured, it was my first cheat day in ages, and me and my friend were at the fair and it was AWESOME.

Also, if you want a health tip, never share a huge bag of candy floss with only one other person and go on the waltzers three times in one day, because by the end you need to vomit...

Yah.

Two Stars

I looked out my window tonight at the sky. After last night where there were no stars, a starless night, I see two huge stars. Both were bright and powerful.

When I look up at the sky, its like I can see just how small the world really is, even if it is full of 7 billion people, and life is quite short... When I am waiting for something, say if I got told I had to wait for five whole minutes until I could go home, well I would think 'well it's just counting to 60 five times.' That's the point though... It shows that honestly life can be quite short and we need to make the most of it while we can.

So when you dream, dream big. When you've achieved that dream, dream bigger. I like to think that every moment without something to remember it by is a moment wasted. Smile, be proud and make a life out of yourself, because you're the only one that can.

This Is What The Sun Does To Me

Can you believe it? The sun has finally emerged and I am so glad because I'm sick of lugging a huge coat around. It's time to make the most of the warm weather and just let yourself chill. Yes you may have work or school etc, but it's nice to know you have time at lunch or when you go home to soak up the sunshine.

I know I have been! Anyway, I hope everyone has been good recently, had a nice couple of days... I've cheered up a bit that's for sure, and I'm again learning different ways to keep myself happy. Take regular breaks if you're stressed, treat yourself if you want to because (Although I hate the saying so much) you only live once. That's something people need to realise and make sure that you make the most of what you have and the people in your life because things can change pretty quickly, so quick in fact, you may even miss it and only realise later.

Life can be difficult, but try to embrace it as much as you can and always smile. The more you smile, the happier you feel, the better you become. Never waste a moment, be active, be awesome, live in the moment. Live.

I Got That Feeling

It's a great feeling after a really bad day to be tucked up in bed early. I got that warm fuzzy feeling despite the awful headache I have. Mind, I've had the headache for two days straight now and I'm kind of dreading seeing if it's still there tomorrow.

Anyway, I hope everyone else is having a pleasant day. I hope everyone has had a good day where you have all felt well.

I've been constantly tired for a couple of weeks now and I'm just trying to cope with it all, and because of this I'm becoming stressed, more tired and irritable at what seems to be the smallest of things. I just want to feel better and with my wrist I've just had enough really.

Sorry, I shouldn't complain, and I am genuinely okay. I'm sure I'll feel better soon. I just thought I really owed you an update as to why I've not blogged recently.

I'll be back with more smiles and sunshine VERY soon.

Thanks!