Being Happy in the World That You Create

It's been a long day. After the last few days I have felt a bit indifferent with the world as it is. I have embraced happiness when it comes to me, often paired up with laughter that stays with me long after it has died off. I have faced disappointment in a few things. I try to inspire myself, and sometimes I just feel a little bit off, like there isn't something quite right.

For anyone who knows me and what I like to talk about will know that I appreciate the little things in life, like when my favourite song comes on the radio, when I can finally sit down with my pen and pad and just write away, when I find extra time to be with my friends to embrace that laughter once more. The little things are important, it would be a good thing to remember, even when everything seems to be bad. There's always one thing that helps you to remember that this life is for you too and it should be enjoyed by the minute. 

Life isn't for looking to the future or looking and dwelling on the past. So what if I was a bit of a freak at high school, so what if I struggled with sixth form, so what if I get obsessed immediately with anything that makes me feel in the least bit special in this world? As I have said many a time before, life should be lived in the moment. 

I seem to be struggling a little bit to get my thoughts out onto the screen in front of me, it's always been a great struggle of mine. I believe that no matter how much I struggle, I can succeed. 

For the last few days, I have felt like I have had to physically drag myself out of bed in the morning, I have had to force myself to do the regular routine through the day and I really wish that I could change the routine up a little bit. I force myself through the day because if I take my mind off what I am doing and think about what I would rather be doing, I tend to get nothing done and my head floats around in the clouds. It is something I get occasionally and it is something I know how to get over easy...

It's just a dash of disappointment, a little bit of OCD and a whole lot of headaches. But do you know what? It's all worth it, because I am alive, I am healthy (ish) and I have people in the world who mean everything to me to share life with. It doesn't matter who you are, it doesn't matter that I can't smile right now with the knowledge that it will stay for more than 5 minutes. 

But I will still smile. 

I will smile for me. I will smile for you. I will smile for life, and I will make it through. Believing in yourself means so much more than you could care to imagine. So here I am, at around midnight, still sat in my messy room, in my clothes from the day, all alone here to tell you that you matter. 

I'll still be here smiling for you tomorrow, too.