Writers-block

Here I am people. I feel it is the duty of someone like me to write when I feel like this. So here it is. I feel nothing. 

Let me elaborate in a way I only understand how. I am so tired - but my mind is fully awake. Although it feels as if my eyes are drooping, I can't go to sleep. Not just yet. And after a lovely evening with friends, I come home and feel quite sad. It began with a few of us, until it was just me at the bus stop, over in the blink of an eye. I think I just seem to feel a little bit lonely, but I really just want to be alone. I know it probably doesn't make a lot of sense. 

Most of all, I feel disappointed, in a way. I have come home to a new desk in my room, a place where I can write, I can do my hair and makeup, and a place where I can have my laptop and type without it burning my legs. Yet I've sat in this spot for an hour, and although the pen is running across the paper, I got nothing. No ideas, no words, no thoughts. I've wasted three pages by writing things I didn't really end up liking in the end. I'm just frustrated that I cannot work, I cannot write. I cannot do what I think I do best. 

I've had so many ideas in the last week, but no time to write them and they've all flown from my brain like little paper birds. Writers-block is the WORST. I can't get my words out and when I can they're all jumbled - things aren't sounding right to me. It's times like this when I start to question it all. I question every little piece of work that I've done. I work so hard on trying to get my writing known by people, the more views I get, the more comments, everything just gets me that little bit closer to my dream. 

But because writers-block is a pain in the butt (to put it nicely-ish) I begin to wonder if I'll ever get my touch back again. I want to feel the excitement I get when I plan out what's going to happen next, and when I think of an idea for something that would be really good. I want this to work. 

So for now, I will put on my smile - and hope to heck that it all comes back soon. Sooner rather than later really. I'm beginning to feel a little bit lost. And while this blog post seems to be okay, I've kind of 'blagged' my way through it. Basically I want to feel like me again.

It might just be from the fact that I'm constantly tired all of the time and have been for the past two days, it could be for any reason, but right now - my brain is a little bit lost. I just need to find my way back is all. 

One thing is good about all this though. I can look at my blog now and say that is a thing I've been doing. It is something that proves to me that there are people out there who care about what I have to say, the things I have to express that I seem unable to express without the words on a screen or on paper in front of me. I have dug down, straight down into my heart and soul to find myself as a writer. It is something that I love to do and hope to be a big part of in later life. 

Thank you to everyone for your love and support.