Needlessly Happy

Hey guys, sorry its been so long, I think I've just been 'off' for the past couple of weeks, with a lack of energy and lack of ambition. But I've returned.

Obviously. I'm not gonna stay away for long am I? I love this place too much to do that.

So at the moment I'm feeling happy, genuinely happy after today. I've spent a lush day with my boyfriend, just sitting about, doing nothing, but I couldn't feel more chilled out.

So I got home about half an hour ago, and immediately started cleaning because my room was just messy as hell. Found some important stuff that needs to be sorted out, but I'm happy because I have so much more room to do what I want now. I've not finished yet, I'm taking a break or my coffee will go cold.

But it's got me thinking about how independent I am / want to be. I mean, I pretty much can sort myself out, I do my own thing when I'm home but I still rely on my mam for different things, like lifts to and from places, help out with the cat and do my washing (occasionally) I can do that on my own but you know. And I feel really lucky.

Yet I have these strange cravings to move on, to try to live on my own (with a friend, I don't think I could face living alone) and it's a scary thought you know? I mean, I'm getting to that point where I crave more and more independence and it changes the way you think.

I sit and think that I need to make things my own, put things where I want them. I've spent most of my life being a messy little child, and I never stopped to think "this is my room I want that over there and this over here." So today I hung my Sherlock poster back up and found a place to put my cork board. It's weird. I spend most of my time in this room so it feels weird to know that I can do what I want with this room, can define myself, exactly who I am in this room.

So this is my life. I won't let anyone define what my life is meant to be, or who I am meant to be as a person.

So here I am.

I am weird, crazy, strange, funny, I try to be as generous as I can and I like to help people, I feels good. I prefer to give than receive. I am creative, unique and different, part of a brilliant set of fandoms (Sherlock, Harry Potter, Pretty Little Liars, Bioshock, Portal, Markiplier, Game Grumps, other Youtubers) and I really like tea. I am fussy and constantly want to change my hair. I sit in awkward positions that always give me pins and needles, and I have a strange obsession with being as different as I can from everyone I meet.

I'm not going to change. And I hope that people I encounter in life can accept that, or leave me be at the very least.

Keep smiling. X