The Realisation that changed my life

This is something I know is going to be the same as what I have written before, yet vastly different, and as a person who I think has changed in a number of ways.

Since January, a lot has changed for me. I firstly switched job roles, working in the same place but doing something different, which was great. I couldn't wait to start learning and developing my skills further at work. I became someone slightly different. I'd like to say I was a little bit more confident if anything, but then again, looking back now I don't think I was. I was someone was slowly gaining confidence again which I loved. I realise working on something different can be scary until you are used to it.

I've been away from blogging and YouTube for a long time now. Months. While I would like to blame this fact on my 'busy schedule' (it's not busy at all) I think I can blame it on all number of reasons.
1. I don't have all the time in the world.
2. Lack of confidence.
3. Ill health - I can't really say much about this for obvious reasons.

For a while, my confidence grew. I was feeling great and getting on with life as I should. I saw every bad thing came with something happy to go with it. My car broke down in a car park in the middle of the day. Embarrassing, but it could have been in the middle of the night at the side of a barren road.

I was finding things to be thankful for when the bad stuff came and went. For a while nothing was bad.

While I'd like to think I'm like this all the time now, I know there is still improvements to be made. I still get jealous from time to time. I get angry when it can be avoided or when I think someone has acted carelessly. I hopelessly apologise when I've been mean due to anger and feel like I've upset them.

I guess that's the person I am.

Today I figured out that I'm not as bad as I thought. While I feel at times a bit alone, and a bit anxious and annoyed for a reason I know I shouldn't, I also feel ambition and pride for myself. I look for long term solutions rather than taking short term solutions.

I know my confidence still needs to rise, and I need to put on my big girl pants and get on with things. I need to learn to be more accepting and I also need to remember that nothing is going to go right the first time, but I need to keep trying to reach that goal.

My family, friends and the love of my life drive me absolutely nuts. I couldn't love them more for the way they stand by my side without complaint and support me through any rough times I experience. They are there through good and bad. For that, I will be forever grateful.

I will be back. I don't know when, but I will be.