That Creeping Feeling

Good evening everyone! I hope you all had a fantastic Christmas, or a fantastic holiday if you don't celebrate Christmas!

Today I've been thinking about how different I am to everyone else. Let me explain.
I speak my mind often, and although through my past I have had my trust thrown back in my face (mainly at School), I seem to have a lot of trust in the people around me, the people I spend time around on a day to day basis. When people ask me how I am, I can just look at them and say that I'm fine (even if it's a flat out lie) and I will be okay with doing that, but there are certain people who I will just speak to and I will talk about ANYTHING. If I'm tired, I'll tell them, and if there's something wrong with me, I'll tell them. I find this different because I feel that not a lot of people would speak their mind as much. I don't know why. Sometimes it can just be a complete stranger too... Strange how life leads you along, huh?

So here's the thing about me. My hair is always frizzy, I'm always tired, I don't look great constantly and I don't top up my makeup and sometimes my eyeliner flicks don't match. I talk to much and joke about, I'm silly and I'm strange, and sometimes I come out with things that aren't related to the situation I am in, like a random word or song that's been in my head. Some things nag at me and I worry like hell.

I'm pretty happy.

My new years resolution is to make as many people as I can smile in 2016.

Lets Go Christmas Shopping

Isn't this exciting? Only a few days until Christmas.

Well, I can't 100% get into the spirit I'm afraid. Although it is literally in about 2 days, as in tomorrow is Christmas Eve, I just can't seem to get all that excited. Is it because I can't figure out what to get for some people? Is it because it's that warm I could stand outside for 5 minutes in a tee shirt and would be fine? Is it because of a lack of decorations everywhere I go? Hmm. I just don't know.

I've almost finished Christmas shopping now, and after traipsing my friend around the shop for hours, feeling sick and wasting half a hot chocolate, I returned home with a bag of goodies to wrap.

Yet... Nothing. There isn't anything stirring up inside me making me want to jump up and down yet, and I find it pretty hard to believe that tomorrow is Christmas Eve.

Sometimes. Just... Sometimes. I feel like I'm a little bit strange.

I'm Too Busy Fighting Anxiety To Worry Right Now

Okay guys. So weird title, yes? True it makes no logical sense, but to me it defines how I feel right now.

I have a few main worries, and while I am quite a worrying person, some really stand out from the rest. One nagging thing can bring me down in ways you can't imagine in the most inappropriate places. Last night I went to a party and got stressed out about something that isn't happening for a month. A MONTH. AT A PARTY. This is usually how it goes for me, and it continues to bog me down again and again in the most random of places, even keeping me up at night if I begin to think about it at that point.

So I'm fighting my anxiety at the moment in the only way how, I try to reason with myself. Nothing I worry about will be the end of the world, nothing I do is going to effect the way the world works, its just a nagging fear tugging away at my brain. So with everything I try to worry about, I reason with myself, like I think "well this will happen if this happens, but this can't happen so stop worrying". Sometimes my method works, and this time it is. I don't have the time or the effort to be worrying about things I don't have to think about until next weekend, or next month.

I will smile and I will get through it. At the moment I am not anxious. I am not worrying because I know that I can do this. It's not a once in a lifetime, so why worry now, right?

No, I don't have time. I'm just going to sit here on my bed and watch Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, eat my gingerbread popcorn (it's limited edition my mam bought me and frankly I'm a little bit sceptical) and drink my gingerbread latte. See you all again soon!

- Steph x

"I'm Fine With No Dip and A Regular Latte"

Good evening, everyone.

Today has been a bit of a strange day for me, yet it was a brilliant day at the same time. Today, I and my friend decided to go and see that new film out in cinemas (Victor Frankenstein) - it's brilliant by the way, I would definitely recommend it!

The cinema nearest to us is in another town, and to get there we had to take two buses. When we finally got into the town, we had to ask directions as to where to go. After walking for about an hour, with a lot of difficulty and having to stop a second time and ask for directions, we finally made it, with a bit of time to spare and some time to grab a quick coffee (or in our case, hot chocolate) before getting our tickets and going in.

The film itself was absolutely amazing. It couldn't have been better, so if anyone is thinking of going to see it maybe, do so. You won't regret it, honestly. Very well made, and a fantastic story line with a lot of action.

Now, the issue we then had, was that we both got confused with the website for the buses, and so we were wondering around for ages trying to find a bus stop that could take us home, rather than walking for an hour back to that bus stop where we got off in the first place. After going to where we thought we were meant to be, and being in the wrong place, we had to ask for directions once more. A friendly old couple pointed us in the right direction, and there, about a 10 minute walk from the cinema, was the bus stop where we had gotten off the bus, as the man had pointed us the wrong way, and had us go the long way around instead. After getting a little bit frustrated with the website, and a bit cheesed off that we had walked for so long when it was just around the corner, we just had to laugh.

At the bus stop, with half an hour to wait, we got into talking with a gent who was already there, who told us about an accident he had once been in, and what happened afterwards. He told us that we could do, and be whatever we wanted to be, and that the only limit was when we questioned whether we could do it.

"Build up your skills" he said. He made me smile, and was truly inspiring and a fantastic man.

On the way home, while switching buses, we went to McDonalds (which I don't usually go to, but they have the festive stuff in now, so we went in.) We thought we would try the toffee lattes, but instead had normal lattes. They say to make the best out of a bad thing, which was right, and I ended up at the bus stop, freezing cold, laughing so hard as Elin says "Whatever, I'm fine with no dip and a regular latte" in a sassy tone of voice. It was dark, it was cold and it was spitting with rain.

Today, I and my best friend Elin, walked for an hour, saw an amazing film, got wet in the rain trying to find the right bus stop, got frustrated, laughed a lot, and got inspired.

The real story comes from the adventures you share with the ones you love.

I will remember this story, because today, although we got wet and frustrated and we came home so tired, I never stopped smiling for the whole time we were out.

Stripy Tops, PJ Bottoms, Fairy Lights and Sherlock Holmes

Life is good right now, really good in fact. I feel as if once again I can face the world with a genuine smile. It starts with making myself happy as well as others, being brave and stepping out of my comfort zone for once. I won't hide from what makes me happy, and in the process I find I make others smile. Simply by wearing something funny, or cracking a joke when I feel people need a laugh. Their laugh makes me smile more than anything.

So what makes me smile right now? Like, at this minute in time. What could make anyone smile at this time of night on a Saturday? Some people are out making memories with their pals in restaurants and pubs. Some will be cuddling up in bed with their partners, and some may be ordering takeaway with their friends. Or maybe you're alone, like me. I'm smiling because my room is all clean and tidy (which shocked my mam!) I'm wearing my comfiest stripy top (I love the stripes) and I am wearing my newest comfy pj bottoms (nothing comfier). I've got my fairy lights on around my room, watching Sherlock with a good cup of tea. There's nothing better!!

It's important to smile. Always be happy and always make sure of that. Your happiness is as important as anyone elses!

Smile always! :)
-Steph x

Late Night Update

Hey guys, I'm sorry this is posted so late at night, but I thought I would blog now because I don't really want to sleep in a way and it seems to have been forever since I last blogged.

I'm a little bit worried, in a way, about my creative streak. I want to sit down and write, but as soon as a page appears before me, I falter. I can't write what I want to write, the words don't flow as easy as I imagine them and the words just become a jumble on the page. I have my thoughts and my ideas. I have a million things I want to write about. I want this to be my thing.

But I am also busy, I have different issues and health issues that pull me back. I find myself forgetting my ideas so easily. At times I want to pull my hair and scream because I imagine these words, these beautiful words. These words that make me smile and my heart soar, the words that make me blush for no reason. These beautiful words that I can't get out.

When I can't blog much, for lack of reason to blog or no message to send out to readers, just know that I do care. And through my day I think about my ideas.

Although the words are beautiful, they are difficult to get out, but they will get out, and I hope that when they do, I can make more than just myself smile.

#embracethecrazylife

I should be in bed right now, really, but I've had this creative little burst of energy that can't be held inside the small fragment of me that is my brain. I say 'small fragment', however, my brain holds no comparison to my mind. My brain is the size of a pea to my mind, my imagination. Imagination comes from the soul, not from the way one thinks and perceives the world.

One of my more recent posts was about people in their general life, people who can walk past each other without even looking their way, or if they do, it's rare that people would say anything to the person, and they have drifted through your life before you even realise it.

I've noticed that not everything I thought about the world was what it seemed to be, and that people are actually very nice. I used to be very self conscious, and I was always afraid of what people would think of the person that I was. So, what's changed?

In January, a lot of things changed for me, and over the Christmas period I began to use twitter more. Before I knew it was gaining about 5-10 followers a day. I couldn't believe it! I never thought people would care so much for the rambles of an 18 year old girl who was a bit weird and was a bit of an outcast. On January 18th, I created my blog, and I began to share my thoughts with the world. I spoke out more for what I believed in. The more I blogged, the more confident I became in myself, in the person I had became. Some people told me they were enjoying my blog, people who I had never physically met before shared my blog with their friends and followers on Twitter. I was so excited, because it was a place that was my own, where I didn't have to worry about what people would say and if someone I used to know from school read it and judged me, because I became the person I am now. I haven't smiled so much in a year. So in 2 months and 3 days time I would've been blogging for a year. That's crazy to me.

When I say things were changing, they were changing in small ways. Before I knew it I had made more friends and learned to trust more. I have friends on Twitter who live far away, but still consider me to be a friend. A lot of it has calmed down now, but I wish in a way it hadn't, and hopefully when I'm not too busy I will be able to tweet more often, and blog more often. (Not Facebook, I barely use it honestly).

But for now, I'm going to live, and I'm going to smile, and I'm going to embrace every moment, and every second of joy. Every time the wind blows my hair into my face, every time my cat snores loudly at the end of my bed, every drop of rain that falls on me... I'll smile. Life is crazy, it's time to embrace that.

#embracethecrazylife

I'm Back!

What's up guys? So its been a while since I've been here. Yes, I have been really busy, but my main reason is because I haven't really had a subject to go on. Like, I haven't been sat on the bus or in my room and suddenly thought "Oh, I could blog about that!". My lack of thoughts have been keeping me away, and there isn't much more that I feel can be said about my normal posts.

My normal posts usually consist of me trying to find ways to inspire people, to make them come out of their shell and to not care what people think of them. My normal posts didn't come that often anymore for the reason of there wasn't much else to say.

I'm thinking of trying a whole new approach. I think this is my 99th blog post, and I do want to continue with my blog. It's something that brought me a lot of excitement over the past year and I just think its something I don't want to just drop, as if it didn't mean anything to me in the first place.

Just know that I will be continuing to blog on this website, and will be for a while. If you've never been here before please check out my other posts. Hopefully I'll see you again real soon. This blog is ACTIVE.

8 Day Rules

Hey guys!

So today I thought I would talk more about learning how to keep yourself happy. With the way that I have been over the past couple of days, it is safe to say that a lot of people can go through rough spots through their years. Sometimes, like in my case, it was for no particular reason. Sometimes I would just accidentally do something small and for the rest of my day I would just sit and be angry until someone else snapped me out of it.

So instead of sitting here brooding over a little bit of this and that, and nothing really in particular, I thought of different rules you could set through your day to help to make the day that little bit easier.

So here goes.

1. Smile at your reflection in the mirror before you leave the house.

2. Dress to impress... yourself. The only opinion that matters is your own. If you feel comfortable in the hoodie that is three sizes too big, then wear it. I won't judge.

3. Don't let people see you for who you aren't. Stick by yourself and never let anyone get you down.

4. If something causes you to get angry or upset, take a deep breath and try to move past it. When something bad happens, you can only move up from it.

5. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't be what you want to be.

6. Always smile, never hide it.

7. It's okay to laugh at yourself, never be afraid to let yourself.

8. Don't care what people think. There are so many people in the world, and a lot who may judge you for whatever reason, but don't let them. Your life shouldn't affect theirs in any way, unless intentional.

I know I post these a lot, and a lot of the time I don't follow them. There have been days where I've wanted to scream, or go back to bed and sleep the rest of the day away. There have been days where I've knocked my pen on the floor and got so frustrated I've wanted to just leave and go somewhere else, forget about what I am doing.

I need to follow my own advice, as well as advice others give me. It's something I am working on anyway.

Never let people stop you from living the life you created.

Never be silenced.

Never be someone you're not.

Smile forever.  

Strange, Strange, Society

Hey guys,

Okay so this is something that I've been thinking about for a few weeks now, and I'm hoping that a lot of you see it like I do.

I've been watching people for about three weeks now (I don't mean it in a creepy way) and looking at the type of person they are, how they look, act and dress. I've looked at the way that people are.

Now, the other day, I spoke to someone for the first time, I've seen them around various times, but have never spoken to them. I've never needed to speak to them, and because of the awkward person I am, I won't just start a conversation with someone just out of the blue. This changed the course of the day, as I could've just sat on my own for a while, maybe listened to my music or a podcast, I could've read on my kindle... Or I could've spoken to an actual person.

Now this is something strange to me, how people can affect someone's entire day and change an event (either for good or for bad) astounds me. We live in this world, in different towns. We walk past a million different people and barely look at them, maybe give them a smile, or even just glance at them to acknowledge their existence in this world. This person could be just like you. They could love the same music as you, or have the same sense of humor. They could be out looking for a friend or two, they could be out wanting to be alone, or maybe they're lonely.... And then they start to talk to you, and suddenly that view you had of them is different, you start to laugh, you be polite to them and they tell you about... I don't know, what their son does for a living, and with a lot of people you begin to find yourself intrigued my the story they are telling, you want to know more about it. It's strange, how people talk and tell people about the things that mean the world to them, and you barely ever see them again... isn't it?

There have been plenty of times, when I've been out, or with my friends, that I have spoken to someone and be genuinely interested in who they are and what they have to say, and once I've gotten a peek into someone else's life, a complete stranger, they are gone. There's a chance you won't see them again like you did there, or you do see them and they walk on by, because they didn't look at you, didn't see you, recognise you, or just purely didn't want to chat. 

Yet, we begin to meet people, and as we meet people, these people introduce us to more people. It's an endless loop in society, and yet we go out and we still sit alone on the buses, we still end up sitting in silence when there are other people around. We meet people, we socialise, and then we can forget... Or we don't. 

I find it quick how some people change, people become your own friend, or even your family if they are close enough. These people make you smile, make you cry, make you laugh, and make you live. When you get into a relationship with somebody you meet parts of their family, when your relationship gets serious, these people become part of your family, whether you choose to stay in the relationship or not, you still know these people and everything about them. 

In society today, we go about our business and walk past one hundred people, a million in a lifetime, maybe more if you go far enough, and I bet one of those people could make your dreams come true, become your best friend, your lover, your soul mate, your family. 

And you just walked straight past them. 

You looked at them, acknowledged they were there, maybe gave them a smile, and then they were gone. Does that not scare anyone else a bit?

"Elin, Give Me A Blog Topic..."

Good afternoon everybody!

One of the things I have learned from blogging often, is that finding topics to talk about isn't always the easiest of tasks, and depending on the topic picked, it isn't always easy to get the words down on the screen, let alone pick a topic. 

This is my tenth month of blogging now, and it hasn't always been the easiest. I'll have some days where I'm sort of looking at the words and they just don't make sense to me, and other days where I'll sort of think "Wow, did I really write that?" 

I find it strange to look back at some of my old blog posts, especially the first blog post I had ever done, which was "All About Me" on the 18th of January. But it feels weird, because blogging feels so normal for me now, it feels as if I've been doing it for years now. 

I remember first posting it and being so nervous about it, how excited I was when I looked and had 18 page views on it. That was strange to me, 18 people want to read my blog. 18 people want to read what I write!

It was all new and exciting, and now, although I check for updates virtually on a daily basis, it's a little bit strange to realise that it's been ten months and people are checking my blog now almost every day. Sure, it isn't all that many people, and I would love it to be more, but still people are finding the time to sit and read them. 

I've had a lot of encouragement since I started all the blogs, from family members, friends, even complete strangers I've never met before.

Before I began to blog, I wouldn't let people read my writing. There was no way you were going to, and if you happened to find one of my books, I would be very angry with you indeed. There were a few people I would allow to read, but not too many, because I would find it so embarrassing. 

What if they don't like it?
What if they hate it?
What if they lie to me and tell me it's good, when they don't?

I'm so glad I managed to get out of my shell and see what other's think of what I do, because honestly it has made my confidence a lot better, and as a person who used to have low confidence it has made a huge change to the person that I am now. 

I'm proud to be the little writer I am. Yes I may only have a few people who care enough to read my blog all the time and check for new ones daily, but I'm still proud. I shall continue to do what I like to do best, hopefully, it will be for the rest of my life. 

Until next time
- Steph :)

The Freedom To Create

Hey guys, I'm sorry it's been a while, I've been really ill recently and just lost all my energy, but I'm back now.

Something I want to talk about has been making me think a lot recently, and it's something that drives me insane.

The freedom to create.

Stereotypes, rules, 'normal' life prevents us from being as creative as we want to be.

Basically, stereotypes make me really angry. If you want to listen to metal music, you aren't a mosher or an emo, you're you. If you like wearing ugg boots, taking selfies and instagram, you aren't a hipster, you're you. IF YOU LIKE DOING WHAT YOU LIKE, YOU ARE YOU AND NEVER LET ANYBODY CHANGE THAT.

Personally I am sick to death of people telling others they can't be something because of a stereotype they've been labelled. At school I always listened to heavy metal, a few people told me that I couldn't like Olly Murs, and it's not right. I can be whoever I want to be. People who say, oh you can't be a drummer, you're too hipster, you can't like this band, they're too mainstream for someone like you.

IT ISN'T RIGHT AND NEEDS TO STOP.

When did we become a community where all we do is follow each others movements, likes and wants? When did people forget about their own dreams, their own interests, their own happiness. For goodness sake, never EVER give up your happiness to be accepted by someone else, it's one of the worst mistakes you will ever make.

When you begin to pretend to be someone you aren't, the real you fades out, you forget about it, then you become a fake shell of yourself.

Because the 'Normal' perspective of people, you have to behave in a certain way. You have to act just like them to be accepted. I hate that so much, because there shouldn't be a 'social norm', just be yourself.

If you have an idea, do it. Create something beautiful. If you want to make videos on youtube, go for it, do that and don't care what people think. If you want to write and be spontaneous then go for it. If you want to stand out of the crowd and be yourself then by all means do it. Never give away your happiness.

When you finally realise that, I'm sure you'll be happy. I believe we were born to create, all of us. Create love, create life, create art, create music, create fashion, create smiles, create happiness. Be happy. Smile forever. Live in the moment.

Too Late

So here it is, I am tired, so tired I can feel my eyes drooping. I don't want to go to sleep, I'm too tired to fall asleep if that makes sense.

Over the past week I've been a bit off, felt a bit ill but still got stuff done and I'm proud of myself for that. Every time I've been knocked down I've picked myself back up straight away, working on my anxiety by telling myself that something is fine after I've checked it once. I shouldn't need to go and check it.

Yet it hasn't done all that much for my overall self esteem, and if I'm honest, after not feeling too well my mood is a little bit low too. I find myself unable to concentrate or come up with a good idea for anything.

I tried going back to my writing last night and spent hours writing stuff that is either too fast paced or too boring.

I'm hoping to feel better soon anyway. I just need to get on with it. I need a bit of a break actually from everything... A time where I can just stop and chill out...

I will continue to write as I can and I will excel when my time comes. I won't forget about my blog, I just haven't got so much time right now. My blog means the world to me. It's not something I would give up easy.

*sigh*

- Steph.

I'm Still Here

Hi guys, I know it's been a while, but you have to understand it has been a really busy week for me, not only that, but my mood has kind of been low as well, mostly when I am on my own... I've looked angry, storming through the town to get lunch, scowling with my headphones turned up to full blast. It's the type of mood I'm in when I embrace the screams of Corey Taylor from Slipknot and the amazing harmonies from Fall Out Boy. So as you can tell, it hasn't been all that good of a week.

Here's to hoping that will get better.

I am aware over the last week or so people have been looking on my page, viewing my blog and there has been nothing new on there. I apologise for that. I'll never get so busy or lost that I will forget about my blog, and I am still always looking for new things to post. I know I promised that I would blog every few days, but I'm just getting through this rough time and hopefully I'll be back as soon as possible to continue on as soon as possible.

I'm still here, completely yours, I won't be forgetting any time soon.

I just thought I would give you all an update, because my blog is looking emptier than a bag of sweets on a Saturday night in my possession.

If you do want to hear from me more often then follow me on twitter, I post silly little things that sometimes don't make any sense but I like to think I make someone laugh. If i can't make you laugh then I make myself laugh, and that's what's important, right?

My Twitter : @steo96

The Tales of Me, Myself and Procrastination.

Good evening everybody!

Sorry it's been a while since I've posted, but it's been quite a busy week for me and I haven't been on my laptop all that much. 

One thing I am very happy about (some of my Twitter followers would know) is that I am finally getting back into my personal creative writing. This is amazing, I've had some new ideas, and collaborated them with an older idea and now I can't wait to keep on writing whenever I am away from my computer. 

The only issue is procrastination. I keep getting distracted by YouTube videos, or I'll see something amusing posted online somewhere and sit and laugh at that for a while. Yes, it's all great, but I feel in a way as if it is holding me back. I see other people's work and begin to doubt myself, then before I know it all my work I was doing for the last hour is gone, and I feel as if I have to begin it again because it doesn't sound right.

Don't be someone like me, because literally, all the work probably needs is a little bit changing to make it completely perfect for you. All you have to do is believe in yourself (that sounds really cliche, but it's true). 

This afternoon, I have gone back to the work I began at the start of the year and began working on it again. It's honestly becoming a lot of fun, and I've had a lot of fun doing the research for it, for some of the plot points. Also, another thing is that I've been using Pinterest for some of my planning, looking for the different outfits that the characters can wear and what kind of settings I could use. It's been fantastic and I'm only just getting started. 

Don't let other people's work get to you. If you want your work to be unique, it has to come from you and only you. You don't need to compare your work to anyone else's because it is one of a kind. Never listen to those who try to compare you to someone else. Be spontaneous, be different, be unique and love every moment of what you do. Life wouldn't be worth living otherwise, would it?

Music

Good morning everybody! Or afternoon / evening depending on where you are in the world!

Today, I wanted to write about music. Music has always meant a lot to me, no matter what genre it is, and I listen to a variety of different genres, each just as unique as the others.

I've been trying to stop pressing the 'skip' button when I'm listening to my music because I find I'm missing out on songs, I'll put them on my phone, new ones just bought that I haven't heard before, and end up not listening to them for weeks.

One thing you will find about me if you ever see me in person, is that I am often looking foe new bands and new songs to listen to, and I love getting into new things. Just a few weeks ago I was introduced to the Wombats (who I love).

But when I say I love different genres, I like a bit of all of them. I like only some of the new stuff, like Olly Murs and other artists who have let out new songs lately... (I don't know some names but I like the song when it comes on the radio). Of course I like (as I've mentioned before) different bands from rock, metal and alternative reaching from Slipknot to Falling in Reverse, to Fall Out Boy, to My Chemical Romance. I like a lot of different bands from those particular genres. And I also like some stuff from Rap (I used to be a huge Eminem fan.)

I also like piano music and classical music, as it's very calming in the evening times.

Anyway, I think I've rambled enough for one day. Will be back here soon.

Relaxing Night

Good evening my fellow people, sorry it's been a week since I last posted. I've had such a busy week. But here I am, having no plans for a whole week. 

So now you're stuck with me. 

Let's hope none of you are crying yet. 

Let's get back to business, or the real reason I am here. I'm here, as always to share my oh-so-interesting view on life in general, and of course my own life. So here goes. Life, my friends, is good. 

In fact, I would go to say life is very good for me right now. This evening I have had a fantastic night, due to going to a little get together with some lovely friends, and I've had a lovely evening and got to know some people who I have never met before. Now it's relaxing time. 

I'm doing what I want to do now. So I've done some writing so far on something I'm working on, had a go on Pintrest, which I am fairly new to, and just chilled with a cup of coffee and this is how I like it. For the first time in a while I am beginning to get a clear head and this is what life is about, right? Enjoying yourself. 

I've become more and more determined over the last few weeks, despite my degenerating self confidence (of which I am working on) and am starting to feel better, starting to feel a bit more me again. 

This is how I like to live my life (that's an old photo there...) But none the less, this is it. I like to live a calm life, but I am determined that when I get older, I'll be the exact person who I want to be. I'm getting there, slowly but surely. I can see the top, and I'm never going to fall. 

You guys need to know that you can live your life the way you want to live it. It's your choice, nobody else's. If you want to travel the world, then go and have an adventure. If you want a settled life and a family, then go for it and be happy. If you want to be happy, then let yourself. Never be ashamed to do what's right for you. I know that I am, and it's making me the happiest I've ever been. I've somehow always felt like something was missing, and now I kinda know what it is, and what it means. Now I'm 100% over the moon because I have everything I need in life right now. 

I have no reason to be sad, so all I can do is smile. I hope that you too, can one day feel like I do, because this feeling is more than words can explain. You'll know too one day. Things can only get better, right?

Harry Potter Studio Tour = amazing

Hello to those fellow people just having a lazy Saturday afternoon, just like me. Oh we're so alike... Anyway.

I thought I would tell you all about the amazing experience I had at the Warner Brother's Harry Potter studio tour in Watford, UK, last Tuesday and why the experience meant the world to me.

Trying not to let out any spoilers of what is there, for a Harry Potter fan like myself, how much I love it, the experience and everything there was very overwhelming.

To see all the props and the outfits - to see how everything was filmed and how everything worked and was made, even how the food was made.

On the day overall, I and my best friend Elin took over 460 photographs between us and had an amazing time, looking at everything there, freaking out over everything and enjoying butterbeer (although it made Elin feel a little bit ill by the end).

Let me confess something to you all - and I don't care what people say about me for this - by the end of the tour I was in tears.

Harry potter, Hogwarts, Diagon Alley... All of this means a lot to me, and by a lot I mean that I cannot literally put it into words how happy it makes me when I am reading the books or when the films are on my telly, even just talking about it with people.

JK Rowling has to be the most inspiring writer to me. Her imagination holds no limit and she inspires me to do what I love to do, be a writer. I want to be someone like her, someone who holds a place in people's hearts with every word written on the paper, someone who makes people feel happy and warm when they are reading the books. I want to be just as inspiring as she is.

I love each and every character, Harry, Ron and Hermione, Luna, Ginny, Dobby, especially Fred and George, who make everything seem okay even in the darkest of times, and bring back the smiles everyone so dearly love.

I want to personally thank JK Rowling for the inspiration to be the writer I am and dragging me away from the darkness of the real world and concentrate on the light of the world.

'Happiness can be found in the darkest of times when only one remembers to turn on the light.'

Still Happy After a Rough Time

Okay so last night I had literally the worst sleep I've had in a long time. After complaining a few times on Twitter about my headache it is still here... Day 4. It's one of those ones when it hurts if you tilt your head and it's just not nice.

But anyway - since I was kept awake virtually all night by nothing and thinking about everything, I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to create a blog to put this overactive mind to rest. So here we are.

As I still lay in bed, in my unicorn pyjamas, the fan on, and Frederick the Flamboyant Spider (as named by Elin) still asleep on my ceiling right above my face, my headache pounding... I am still happy. Unbelievably happy at that.

It took a lot for me to get to this point, as a lot of you will know last week I was pretty miserable, which I think was a side effect from the medicine I am taking. I felt low, upset and snappy for no reason, my self confidence was slipping again and I found myself judging myself for the tiniest of things, which was something I promised myself I would never do again. But despite all the things going on with me now, the headaches, sore tummy and the arm issue, I am still so happy.

For me, I think life couldn't get any better than this, and if you work really hard for something, theres a good chance it could happen. Be spontaneous guys, work hard, make someone smile with a surprise, smile at a stranger, be yourself and be happy about it. You are who you are, and I wouldn't change you for the world, no matter who you are.

Don't Take Life For Granted

Hey guys,

It's Monday... One of the most depressing days of the week right? You're tired, fed up and the weekend just goes too fast doesn't it? I mean, right? OR don't let life go, don't let time slip past your fingers, because time is precious. It's important and not to be wasted. To me, a Monday is a new starting line, time to reinvent yourself for the long week ahead.

It's a time to wake up and start it all over again, time to wake up with a smile? I'm not a morning person, but I'm working on it, you've had your rest and it's time for work again (or school) but always try your best and try to feel good!

I'm trying to cut out all the negativity, and things seem to be going my way at the minute, and I try not to believe in the concept of time outside of work. I find it just slows me down if I plan out too much. Take the day as it comes and smile, challenge yourself and excel.

I'm sorry if all this sounds like gibberish but I've got a headache... But I'll still smile, because I am me, and I am happy.

21 Ways To Be HAPPY!

For the past hour or so, I've tried to think of as many ways to stay happy as possible. I think this shows just how much things have changed for me in the past few years, and just how important it is to be happy through your life. So here they are... all ... of them, just for you. 

1. Always try to smile, through anything. 

2. Never listen to what people say about you, a lot of the stuff is probably lies, and if they aren't, still don't listen. Your business should be your own - nobody else's. 

3. Everything is better with music - car journeys, chores and even studying (if you find it easier anyway). With chores (mine is usually feeding the cat) I usually stick my headphones on loud and listen to my favourite tracks while dancing round the kitchen. My recommendations are: I'm A Believer (Smash Mouth); Uma Thurman OR American Beauty/American Psycho (Fall Out Boy); and Your Body Is A Weapon (The Wombats).

4. Never be ashamed.

5. Never feel pressured into doing something you don't want to do. It's okay to say no once in a while. 

6. Do the things that make YOU happy. 

7. Arrange little surprises for those you care about - it feels good!

8. Change your style regularly, never let your style become boring to you. 

9. Treat yourself once in a while. 

10. A task should never be boring - and if it is, find a way to make it fun.

11. Organise a day out every now and then - otherwise you have nothing to look forward to through the year. 

12. Know that when you hit 'Rock Bottom' you can only go upwards. 

13. Eat healthy - I'm not saying eat salad or go on a diet, but don't eat just sugar all the time, you feel better if you have fruit. 

14. Let yourself be loved - don't push people away. 

15. Learn to love others, things can be boring otherwise. 

16. Be productive. Yes, I understand that cat video is pretty hilarious, but wouldn't now be a good time to start that thing you were going to learn how to do? I know how to knit and it's a good pastime when you're watching a film you know. 

17. Pay attention to what you are doing - it's better to be that way - you get more done, and your work will be 100% better. Also, a word to students, if you listen and pay attention in class you will understand your homework assignments a lot more, and you might come out with a better grade than you expected at the end. Never throw away a good chance at education. 

18. Only look back to the good memories. Delete the bad ones from your brain, or lock them up and keep them locked. 

19. People make mistakes and they have times where something doesn't go quite to plan, it's what makes us human. I almost fell over on the bus the other day. 

20. Learn to laugh at yourself - I couldn't stop laughing when I fell over on the bus for the record. 

21. Love the person that you are, and know that there is always a reason to be happy, and if you can't find it, then you need to start looking for it. 

High school was always rough for me, I was called names a lot, picked on by those who thought they were funny, the popular crowd. So believe me when I know that times can be rough, but things can get better. I was in a real rough part with school, but I stuck with my friends, even if I came out of that place with about 5 of a good 20+. Now I am happy. Yes I have health issues, and I feel sad from time to time, sometimes even cry with no real reason, but that's what people do. You laugh, you smile and you get on with life the best you can. If you haven't read it before, I did a post called 'Live In The Moment' a little while back, but I would suggest you read it. 

I talk about these things because they mean a lot to me. The subjects I discuss could make you like me, feel for me, or even downright hate me (I hope not though!) but my main ambition with this blog is to help bring people's moods up. I will never put you down, not ever, and know that you can be happy. It doesn't always have to be sadness, and I hope a lot of you will eventually see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

Smile, live, laugh, and never let go of the things that mean the world to you. 

Finding A Little Bit Of Comfort

Through the life you live, it is inevitable that you will find yourself in a place or a situation where you need to find yourself a form of comfort, it could be anything. Picking up your results from school, sitting alone on the bus, laying in bed at night.

Comfort is important, and finding the thing that comforts you most is more important. For me, in those situations I feel better if I have long sleeves, as I hold onto them, or a person to ask for comfort. I like to have my music, which gives me confidence when I am out on my own or my books, my writing.

I know a lot of people need to have their confidence, and by all means need a form of comfort, even if it is just a tiny charm you have in your pocket. If I can't find a way to comfort myself before bed I can't sleep, especially if I sleep away from my bed at home.

At home, I have my favourite cushion, little LED butterflies on the window (the solar power ones) and also I need to know my surroundings. If I know them but aren't there often I still sleep awfully or struggle to sleep.

It's hard, but find a way to relax and let your body chill a bit. So close your eyes when you face your situation, take a deep breath and smile. Ignore those butterflies in your stomach and let yourself smile, because then you become stuck.

It's never bad to want something with you for comfort. You could be a grown man in his late 60s or something and I wouldn't judge you for carrying a teddy or a tiny charm in your pocket. And I cannot express this enough. If something gives you comfort, just do it, don't listen to anyone else gossip and know that it is 100% okay to stand out from the crowd. Be unique and carry it with you for as long as you can.

Take Risks - Never Judge A Book By It's Cover

Monday tomorrow. The weekend just goes way too fast doesn't it? Surprisingly enough, I've been quite awake today, even when I took my tablet late. Mind you I did have a two hour nap on Saturday afternoon...

Anyway, I want to talk today about overlooking some things - judging a book by it's cover. Yesterday I played Viva Piñata for hours. Looking at it at first and the gameplay, I thought it didn't look all that exciting, but as new things started to happen I found myself getting quite engrossed in the game, getting excited when creatures moved into my garden. But there it is, I looked at that originally and thought "there is no way I will enjoy this" .

My point is, always try new things and never be afraid to try new things. Take a risk (not one that will get you injured or anything like that) but you can't be afraid of doing something. Life is short - when you look at it, you don't see it the same way. People are living to 100 years old or more, but 18 years has gone very fast for me, and I regret to say there are some things that I have never tried.

An example. Until last year I had never eaten a curry. That is genuinely true. Also I now love them... So yeah.

What I am trying to get across is: Never be afraid to do something or say something. You stand there, you take a deep breath and you just do it, you make the most of life while you still can and yes, it is scary, but you know you can do it.

Always smile, take smart risks, and live life 100% to the full before you miss your chance.

Ugh

Okay, this post may seem a little bit whiny and I'm just gonna complain a little bit but it might explain a little bit in regards to the servere lack of blog posts recently.

I have to take tablets which make me drowsy, I won't say what tablets they are, they're basically to help the nerves in my arm and also because I can't spell it... I have to take them before bed, and it doesn't help that I have to get up in the morning quite early... But I get up like a zombie. First off I'm dragging myself about, literally dragging most of my body about the house getting ready. Through the day, until I take them again, I feel like I've had virtually no sleep. I feel like I haven't slept in days, all the time, constantly.

I'm really sorry I don't want to complain or anything, because I know things could be a lot worse, and I'm very thankful it isn't. It's just that being always tired, combined with the stress of everyday life and also the stresses trying to find out what's going on with my body, it's lowered my usual mood, my self confidence, and of course I put all my effort into my day, and by the time I get home, I barely have the effort to do anything. I haven't forgotten about my blog, or wanted to stop blogging as often, and also my other blog (You: The Creative Imaginative Experience) is still up and running, but to be honest I am having a few doubts about that one.. I'm actually a little bit tempted to take that down.

I hope to be back to my usual self very soon and when I am, I'll be back here blogging and being my regular, goofy self.

Thanks guys :)

My Problem

I suppose this is the person I will always be. I try hard to stop people from feeling sad, insignificant, unimportant. I try to make people feel loved. I hope it works - I really do. 

I don't take my own advice all the time, and when I feel like this, I usually try to be alone. I quite like being alone you see, but I find I begin to think about things that upset me, or make me sad or angry in any way. I begin to overthink things from my life. I try to change the way that others see things, so that maybe the world would be a better place, where everyone would smile and be happy. 

I write because it makes me feel happy, and to be honest there isn't a lot I want in this world. I don't want to be hugely famous or anything like that, I blog because that is what I love, and what I love is trying to make everybody else happy. 

A few family members and friends have commented on my blog - telling me that it's interesting and parts made them smile, that they become engrossed in them and read more than they intended. I don't think a lot of people know how deep this runs through me. 

Here it is. I share my thoughts and my feelings on my blog. I tell you all how I've felt before, and what you need to do to avoid feeling insignificant. I know a lot of people do sometimes... but that's life right?

The thing about the thoughts though, they come deep from my very soul. I say I want a world of people smiling because I can see it. Every day so many people walking around who smile. They smile and it's bloody gorgeous, every last smile I see. Just a smile from a stranger can make me happy, I've said that before. The world should never be a strange, scary or intimidating place, and we're all here to live our lives the way we set them out to be. Nobody in this world is unimportant. Every person I see holds a place inside my memory, and in so many others. 

We all live in this world together. Look how far we've come, with technology, with the law system. Look at what we have developed for crying out loud. Our knowledge base is advanced. Just look at the stuff we all created. 

I'm saying all this because I believe that there are few people in this world who I can say truly understand me, the person that I am, and who I want to be. Some people understand me better than I understand myself. There have been a million times when I want to smile, laugh, cry or fall apart. I live my life in happiness, and sadness... but I live my life as me. 

I love every aspect of my life, I wouldn't change it for the world. I love each place, each room, each person, each soul, each heart. I love you. 

Know that those last words will never, EVER, be meaningless to a person like me. 

Friends and Family

Oh my friends, I am so sorry I've abandoned you all for a week or so, but know I have missed you dearly. I should explain. I've had to take some tablets recently and they've made me super drowsy, as in I spend my whole day just wanting to sleep.

Tonight, I will be spending time with my boyfriend's family. Some of them are here at the moment, and I'm sat here in the corner. Eating cereal. This isn't a lie. To be honest I'm quite a shy person, but I am feeling a little shy already.

Anyway, I'm finding it a little bit strange how quick I've got to know some people, grown close to them and those who accept me as if I were their family too. It's funny how I'm still pretty shy around them... I'll get over it in half an hour or so.

I just find it strange that in only three years I've grown so close to people, not only my boyfriend's family, but also my best friend's family, other people I see each day. My friends are my family, biological or not, and I love each and every one of them so much.

(cue cheesy finishing music)

Writers-block

Here I am people. I feel it is the duty of someone like me to write when I feel like this. So here it is. I feel nothing. 

Let me elaborate in a way I only understand how. I am so tired - but my mind is fully awake. Although it feels as if my eyes are drooping, I can't go to sleep. Not just yet. And after a lovely evening with friends, I come home and feel quite sad. It began with a few of us, until it was just me at the bus stop, over in the blink of an eye. I think I just seem to feel a little bit lonely, but I really just want to be alone. I know it probably doesn't make a lot of sense. 

Most of all, I feel disappointed, in a way. I have come home to a new desk in my room, a place where I can write, I can do my hair and makeup, and a place where I can have my laptop and type without it burning my legs. Yet I've sat in this spot for an hour, and although the pen is running across the paper, I got nothing. No ideas, no words, no thoughts. I've wasted three pages by writing things I didn't really end up liking in the end. I'm just frustrated that I cannot work, I cannot write. I cannot do what I think I do best. 

I've had so many ideas in the last week, but no time to write them and they've all flown from my brain like little paper birds. Writers-block is the WORST. I can't get my words out and when I can they're all jumbled - things aren't sounding right to me. It's times like this when I start to question it all. I question every little piece of work that I've done. I work so hard on trying to get my writing known by people, the more views I get, the more comments, everything just gets me that little bit closer to my dream. 

But because writers-block is a pain in the butt (to put it nicely-ish) I begin to wonder if I'll ever get my touch back again. I want to feel the excitement I get when I plan out what's going to happen next, and when I think of an idea for something that would be really good. I want this to work. 

So for now, I will put on my smile - and hope to heck that it all comes back soon. Sooner rather than later really. I'm beginning to feel a little bit lost. And while this blog post seems to be okay, I've kind of 'blagged' my way through it. Basically I want to feel like me again.

It might just be from the fact that I'm constantly tired all of the time and have been for the past two days, it could be for any reason, but right now - my brain is a little bit lost. I just need to find my way back is all. 

One thing is good about all this though. I can look at my blog now and say that is a thing I've been doing. It is something that proves to me that there are people out there who care about what I have to say, the things I have to express that I seem unable to express without the words on a screen or on paper in front of me. I have dug down, straight down into my heart and soul to find myself as a writer. It is something that I love to do and hope to be a big part of in later life. 

Thank you to everyone for your love and support.  

Bad Habits

Today hasn't seemed to be the best of days for me. I've been tired all day and I have been moody as hell. I'm not sure why, but not one moment of the day went by that I didn't stop and think 'My gosh I could just go to bed and sleep for days'. 

Enough complaining, anyway. 

Okay.

I've picked up so many of my bad habits today, some I didn't know I even had. I pick (and bite) at my nails, I intentionally frown if I've been smiling too much, and I also sat for ages on the bus with my sleeve wedged in between my teeth where I sat chewing it. I know they're bad, it's a wonder I haven't gone mad with all the bad habits I have. The anxiety is worse, and a lot of girls (and boys) will know the panic of 'Oh God, did I switch my straighteners off?'.

You know, then you get home and everything is fine. Just like it's nothing. 

My point is, we all have bad habits, and they aren't anything to be ashamed of and people should know that. Never be embarrassed if you have a habit, or you fidget or anything like that, because that is something you subconsciously do to comfort yourself. The more you try not to do it, the more aware you become of it and the more self-conscious you become while trying to avoid the way your body is naturally comforted. You are allowed to comfort yourself, let your mind flow, and let your body react the normal way it does to comfort you. Be you, and never be ashamed.  

Important Times and Keeping Happy

Okay, before I begin I just want to apologise for not posting for a week. It has been a very busy week for me. I've been busy through the week, I spent Thursday with my best friend and also Friday night until late, as it was her birthday on Friday. It has also been a busy weekend, as usual I saw my boyfriend yesterday and also this morning I have been sorting out the rest of my bedroom, sorting out my clothes. 

Anyway. I'm back for the night, completely 100% yours, right here for you. It's been so busy for me, but somehow I've managed to power through with a big smile on my face. 

What's got me so happy this week, was Thursday. As it was my friend's 18th I thought her mum would want her to take her out or something on the Friday and they could celebrate as a family. The best part of Thursday though, was being able to sit on the field with Fish n Chips, sitting together and just being able to talk, which is something we haven't done in a long time. We chatted about our memories of High School (good and bad) and our sixth form experience. To be honest, it made me feel happy to know that we had managed to get through all of that together, and we remembered all the people who we went to school with. The people who were our friends, the people who weren't, and who we had seen recently. It's important to make sure you keep your good friends close and stay in touch with them, because it makes you so happy when you see them again. 

One thing - I don't know if I've ever mentioned this before, but when I was younger, I got told that your school years are the best years of your life, and to embrace them. I say differently. I say that every year should be embraced, and when you're older you'll know which years were the best of your life. I'd say so far this one is going very well for me. I've never really been this happy before in a long time. 

It's the first time ever I've really chosen to follow my dreams. I've wanted to be a writer ever since I got my first computer, which would have been about ten years ago. Every time I was so scared for people to read it - I wouldn't let anyone read it, ever. There are still some tales, even if they were only ideas I started... They'll never come out - only I know them. Yet here I am, I'm writing on a website, I've had 86 pageviews in one day. People are sitting at home, choosing to read the things I write. I'm so happy I've come out of my shell and if you haven't already, please do so because when you start showing what you love, it is terrifying at first, but then it's there, it's done and you never know - some people may love it. 

Those Gloomy Days

Everybody has those days - you know the ones, where you're too tired to do anything, everything just starts to become a drag and for some reason you seem to be a little bit moody and a little bit down in the dumps... Yet you have no idea why. 

You seem to see the day as just plain... Annoying. Everything that goes wrong seems to aggravate you, even just dropping a pen from your desk or something like that makes you want to tear your hear out and scream. You begin to sit and wonder why you even bothered to get out of bed today when all people seem to be able to give you is disappointment. You begin to wish you could just leave and go home - go back to bed where your dreams will keep you happy. 

I'm going to be really blunt here. One of the worst things about growing up as a teenager, would be the hormones. You seem to have these days so frequently you seem to wonder if this is what adulthood must be like, and that thought makes you miserable. You need to find some sort of way to establish yourself - make yourself happier to keep you out of the 'funk' that keeps sneaking back up to you. You become short tempered, moody, annoyed and just plain angry at everything that goes on around you, and these days are the worst. 

When I have a day like this I try to focus on the positives of the day, things that make me laugh or smile. I spend my day looking for odd little ways to enjoy myself through the long hours and find peace with myself. I talk to myself sometimes, not in a creepy way, but if I see anything remotely funny, I sort of tell the joke out loud to myself and just laugh. You know, because I'm so brilliantly funny. 

My personal advice to someone who is having a day like this, would be to get a bath or a shower, get yourself a nice hot drink (or cold if you'd prefer, but tea is always my choice) and just put your feet up for a little while. Find a way to relax your senses. Is there any reason to get worked up? 

The little way I have learned would be:

- Can the problem be solved / do you have a solution?

YES: Go and solve it then, that way it is sorted out, no more stress!

NO: So why worry about it now then? Cross the bridge when you get to it. 

I got that from the internet by the way. I know it's cheesy (I suppose) but it has helped me out in a lot of situations I have found myself in. I hope it helps others too... You need to reason with yourself and accept that everybody makes mistakes, even those who seem perfect to you. 

I Don't Mind The Rain

Today has been an odd one. I woke up this morning to what seemed like a nice day, I got up and ready to go out as usual, but stopped short at the door when I realised it was raining. It wasn't heavy but it was the light rain that still gets you soaked, even if you're only there for a few minutes. 

Well last night (looking back from my little story there) I found my old IPod Shuffle, and managed to get it working again, loaded it up with my favourite songs and I was happy because I could start using that again rather than my phone all the time. 

So yeah, stood at the door, watching the rain fall down into thick puddles at my feet. My bus was due in less than five minutes, and deciding I didn't have enough time to chuck my coat on or run upstairs for my umbrella, I put my earphones in, hit play and stepped out into the rain. I ran. I ran in the rain, listening to 'Ever Fallen in Love' by Pete Yorn and just running in the rain. I was on the verge of soaked when I got to my bus stop, and thankfully made it on time, also finding enough time to grab my pass from my bag and find some change... 

I couldn't stop smiling - it was the strangest thing. I was soaking wet, uncomfortable, waiting for the bus in horrible weather... and I was laughing, unable to wipe the grin from my face. It was a moment where I didn't care if anyone was watching me, I didn't care if I'd got soaked because it was FUN. It was so fun I wish I can do it again very soon - because when you stop caring about a little bit of water falling from the sky, you begin to have fun. 

Suddenly it becomes one of the best decisions you've made in a long time, because there are no regrets. This morning I had the most fun I have had on my own in weeks, just by running through the rain listening to an amazing song. 

I loved every stinkin' moment of it. It was my moment, and I am so glad for the rain today. 

No Better Feeling

One of the things I seem to continuously notice about society is how different people behave and how they are judged upon what they do and the way that they do it. They are judged on the way that they dress and the words that flow from them as they speak. Some people are really affected emotionally by the way that they are judged when they are out and about - doing the things that make them happy. If you weren't all that affected by it all, you're one of the lucky ones. 

Take for example High School. All the way through high school you are in a certain... let's say clique. You behave like the others in the clique, follow after them, do what they do only to find the group has just been walking around in a large circle. You follow one person, they follow another, they follow another and so on until that one person is following you. There are so many common cliques in school, and you seem to find yourself stuck in one. To change is one of your most difficult challenges and if you don't succeed you find yourself with a label. Not always necessarily a bad thing - if you're in a good group. 

"Because being with the Plastics was like being famous..." - Mean Girls

Take 'The Plastics' from the film 'Mean Girls' for example. The plastics were a group of three girls who were... ahem... mean. They seemed to believe that they were important in the school, like everyone looked up to them and wanted to be like them. Little did they know that not everyone had the same opinion. (See! No spoilers!). 

The bottom line is that you cannot please everyone, and because you are put into these little groups depending  on how you behaved, behaving any differently seemed to be frowned upon by the people who put you into the group in the first place. They believe you don't belong doing whatever it is out of the ordinary you have chosen to do. Such as if you generally went out with your friends, but instead on that one day you went to the library to do some research or have a quiet afternoon. Why should that be any different? Because people question what you are doing, it can make you feel uncomfortable to be where you are and do what you want to do. 

People should never feel embarrassed or uncomfortable when they are doing what they like to do. Yes, the quiet ones are allowed to go out with their friends, the people who are usually in large groups are allowed to be alone for a while. I hate the fact that some people are questioned for doing something in the world, even if they love doing what they are doing. I can understand if it was dangerous or just plain stupid, but people should feel comfortable. 

Every day now I sit for an hour and read, I read on the bus, at home lying down on my bed, when I am sat on a bench outside, when I am in the coffee shop... The list could go on forever. But sometimes I want to listen to my music, instead. I don't expect anyone to judge me for that, for doing something that I love. 

For a long time now I have craved the freedom of being able to do whatever I want without the feeling of being judged by anyone. Although my self confidence may have improved, it still isn't top notch. As a quiet person generally, I will never be afraid to get myself up there. Yes I will go up on that stage and sing on karaoke night, yes I will read my personal writing to my friends in public and yes, when I am alone in the house I will belt my favourite songs out at the top of my voice even though it doesn't sound any good. And do you know why I do it?

Because it feels amazing. I will never allow myself to be judged for feeling good. Do what you want to do and let yourself feel amazing because I am telling you now... 

There is no better feeling.    

I'm Good At This

Bloggin' on the bus... Yes I am very bored, okay? Yeah I thought this would be a good idea, you know, been too ill to do a good ol' blog in a while but my phone is wobbling about in my hands so if I make any pretty obvious spelling mistakes, please ignore them. Also it has been a long day so shush, you.

One of the reasons I don't like taking the bus is because it's too quiet. Nobody TALKS TO EACH OTHER. GOSH. Personally I think everyone should just overcome their differences and speak to each other. But not to me. I'll be here in the corner on my own listening to my tunes... I didn't say it should apply to everyone. I mean, I would read but I get car sick at times and and my kindle is almost depleted of battery life which really SUCKS.

Yes, I have motion sickness at times. I'm blogging. Concentrating on my phone... I'm good at this.

The bus is awkward though"fo' realz" as the kids say these days. (Says the 18 year old)

*sighs*

Illness.

Okay, I mentioned on twitter a few hours ago that I was ill, and you shouldn't expect a blog post from me tonight, but I thought I would need some cheering up... And we all know writing cheers me up.

Just a short one today as I feel really sick and just want to chill... Also my arm hurts. A few hours ago, chatting with a friend, I was starting to feel a bit better after having a bad mood day because my arm was so sore and I was getting fed up. But I spent the afternoon searching for motives to help me recover, things that will improve my heath and stuff... I'm not healthy. Basically.

But this cheered me up a bit... Until I got more ill in the afternoon. But if you want to be happy, you should always find a motive, whether it's to get you through an awful task or recovering from something, it's worth thinking about to keep your mood high.

Inspirational Thingies

There are so many amazing things in this world for us to experience and learn to love, so many things that can inspire us to do these things more, or to change a way that we live. 

There are two huge influences in my life at the minute, two things that really inspire me. They are books, and music. 

Books are inspiring to me because, not only do they supply enjoyment for a long period of time, they can also manipulate the way that you think about life. When you really get into a book and you feel the dread if something goes wrong or you get the butterflies when that one character falls in love and they finally realise it. There have been a lot of influential writers out there, and one of my personal favourite writers is JK Rowling. The way that she writes is fun, straightforward and easy to follow the story. The writing is descriptive so that you can imagine all the characters in front of you and you can picture yourself wondering around Hogwarts Castle. I'm talking about the Harry Potter series if you didn't guess. I love the way that it feels to read them, when I literally can hear myself answering the characters back, like "Ron, don't you dare do that, get back here" and "wrong spell, silly!". (Yes, I'm that sort of person - I'm not even sorry). Other writers who have spoken to me are some that I have just happened to find on Amazon by chance, such as Alora Dillon (Melody's Heart / Melody's Crush) and Jojo Moyes (Me Before You - it was recommended by a friend) and also Rachel Schurig (Any of the books - I read loads of them and loved all the ones I read). And those are only a few that I love, there are so many other writers who I adore and think they are amazing.

The music is very inspirational because it influences the way that I feel when I am writing and how I am feeling at the time. The music I listen to can make me happy one moment and make me want to cry the next. It can cheer me up in the darkest of times and make my heart sing. They make me feel as if I am invincible, like nothing can hurt me (If you know what I mean). My favourite band is Fall Out Boy - they make me happy. They also seem to be one of the few bands where I have just gone and bought like, all of their albums because I like all of their songs. One of their songs 'I Don't Care' really helps me out if I'm feeling rough, and they make me feel better about the person that I am. When I listen to that song, I hear 'You can say what you want about me, I don't care what your opinion is of me, because it should only be my opinion of myself that matters' and that makes me happy, because that is exactly how I want to feel. Other bands, such as Keane and All Time Low, the Script and Panic! At The Disco inspire me with their words and the way they sing them. All of their songs are performed with passion and make me feel great when I listen to them. I also like, on occasion, piano music. I don't personally care so much for classical music, but I do enjoy listening to piano music. I love the Clair De Lune by Debussy, and I like a lot of songs by Sean Beeson, too. 

What I have mentioned above barely covers what inspires me because there is so much that does inspire me, but of course these are some of my favourites. The more inspired I get, the more of the world I am able to find as beautiful as people make it out to be, and I feel like it's pretty beautiful. Especially sitting on my bed right now, listening to Fall Out Boy, looking at the clouds in the bright blue sky and being able to share my feelings the way I do best. 

Despite not feeling great (I've been in great pain in my neck and shoulder you see) I feel pretty happy right now.  

Why I'm Here

I know. I know I said on twitter that I would blog in the morning and it is now like, half twelve but you have to understand that I had to go out and go to game for a new xbox controller because mine broke...

Anyway. I just wanted to make a point of saying that I am here for a reason, blogging to you all.

My first reason is that writing is my life, for anyone who knows me or reads my blog often enough will know that I aspire to be a writer and this is a good chance to show what I can do.

Another is that I am here to (hopefully) inspire you to do greater things, go out into the world and not follow the trends set by those who think they have a right to set them. Set examples not trends. I am here because I want to share not only my thoughts and feelings, but also share a way that you can live happily, live in a way that is your own, not needing to impress anyone but yourself.

I am here because I believe that anyone can be happy, and I want to help people be happy, and see them smile because that is one of the best gift a person can get.

Sunny Days

UGH.

It's too hot. Here I lay on my bed with the fan pointing directly at my face wishing the heat would chill if only for a bit, and apparently its going to be worse tomorrow.

What really broke me today, was when I went to the shop and all the freezers were broken... Which means *sniffs* no sorbet.

So instead of lounging in front of the telly with sorbet, I am lounging in front of the telly speaking to you guys, which honestly makes me happy... Although sorbet would be nice too...

Let me give you an update on me and what's been going on recently, why I've been so vacant on twitter and blogs... And uh... Stuff. Basically I am sorting out my entire room and trying to get all the stuff I really don't need thrown out... Its happening, but bit by bit it's uh... A slow but good work in progress.

Also, still trying to find out what has been causing me all this pain in my arm...

Its been busy for me, but I haven't forgotten about you all, I'll still be here, and I'll try hard to find time to blog more.

Thanks guys!

My Writing - AGAIN

Okay - my little thing I was excited about in my last blog has taken off - I guess. I have began a new blog (I'm not leaving this one - don't worry. Stop cheering for a second please). 

The new blog is called You - The Creative Imaginative Experience. It is a place where I will be sharing various pieces of creative work, but the best part is that you - the reader - is the main character of each part. 

I hope that people like the blog and I hope that people will maybe leave me some feedback or share my work. I am very pleased with the first piece that has been put on there, and I really hope that people are pleased too because writing is the one thing that I can really open my heart up and put my entire soul into. I basically love every moment of it. 

So basically, I hope you guys will check it out and see what you all think - who knows? You might even enjoy it a bit. 

www.youTCIE.blogspot.co.uk 

Thank you to all my friends for their continued support! 

:)

My Typical Self

It's too hot. There I said it. It's too hot after wishing it would heat up for weeks. Hence the title 'my typical self' being that it is so typical of me to wish something away quicker than I wished it here in the first place... just like when I order a large pizza and automatically regret it after a few slices, sat back rubbing my stomach thinking "how the heck am I meant to eat this thing!". I cannot cope with this and I bring it upon myself every single time. 

So yeah, I'm a pretty typical person when it comes to things like that. Also, I love pizza. 

Getting back to the blog... moving swiftly on, etc... I apologize for the lack of blogging over the last week, I've been extremely busy all week and just haven't found the time. 

Also, some news... good news I hope for all the lovely readers of my blog, I am hoping to start another pretty soon and fill it with some of my creative writing. I won't share too much at the moment, I want it to be a surprise, but I really hope you all like it and I will mention it on this blog when it emerges. 

  

Darkness Among The Butterflies

It's Wednesday, middle of the work week, almost Friday! It's late, and everything is dark in my room apart from the little butterfly fairy lights my mam bought me to hang in my room on the window. They cast a gentle light through the room and it makes the room feel so genuinely welcoming and warm... Despite it being too hot outside and wanting to cool down...

I don't know really how I feel, I just feel tired, but not tired enough to fall asleep... So much that I just want to lie here and look at them, they make me smile a lot...

They remind me, and I have had to remind a lot of people this, is that there is always light to be found, even in the darkest of places, so live your life and live it strong as you can. Be supportive to others and try to smile, search for the light. Once you have a grip on it, never let it go out.

Nonsense

I've got something on my mind, which is the exact reason why I am still awake, lying in the dark, typing nonsense into my phone, hoping someone will understand me.

My eyes are coaxing me to sleep, despite my brain being more awake than ever. I believe in myself, I believe I could do anything if I wasn't so gosh darn tired.

I'm thinking about my writing [oh no here I go with the writing again, I know, it's a habit I'm sorry :) ] anyway, I have some amazing ideas that I feel are going to burst out of me. I know nothing of the plot at hand of my writing, I don't even know the names of the characters or where it is set, but I've already started writing it all in my head. I can see it, and that's what makes me feel so unique.

I know nothing about this, and yet I see the scene playing out in front of me. I see all the characters and what they look like, I see the features of the person, I see the location and everything around. I can look around the room and examine the features up close. I can play, fast forward and rewind, even pause the time to get a better look and develop the idea more.

Please don't think of me as stupid or immature or something like that, but I wish I could understand it all. Yet I find myself doing it again and again every night, imagining, letting my mind wander, and never forgetting the things I see when I do see them. How else am I supposed to be inspired?